Out of the Shadows

Unfreeze My Hardened Heart

2009-02-02T15:00:00.002Z

Monday Morning.
Heavy Snow.
Jammed roads.
Heavy Snow.
Suspended Transport.
Heavy Snow.
No Lectures.
Heavy Snow.
Freezing Cold.
Heavy Snow.
Wet Clothes.
Heavy Snow.
Naughty Schoolkids.
Heavy Snow.
Muddy Boots.
Heavy Snow.
The first time in ages I've smiled like a kid in joyful abandon of everything life throws at you.

Faith

2008-10-26T09:19:00.002Z

Credit crunch... Everyone's talking about it... People feeling the financial pressure... I'm gonna keep this short since I gotta go to church in a few minutes... The uncertainty of the future... Funny, when I 1st started uni, I started keeping track of how much I was earning and how much I was spending... As the weeks went on, I realised I was spending more than I earned... This then snowballed into thinking about what to buy, what not to buy, walking instead of taking the bus, even considering how much money I would spend on tithing...

But in the midst of all this, I was reminded through a sermon by pastor Bob Coy about how we should still be faithful in giving to God, even during these tough times... As I sat back and listened, all the lightbulbs in my head were going off... and my memory pulled me back to the story of Peter and Jesus in the sea, where Peter could walk on water when Jesus called him out of the boat... Then he started to sink when he saw how high the waves were... It just reminded me that, during these tough financial times, I should always be more concerned at looking at God, rather than the trouble around me... I should focus on the hope of something better ahead and how faithful God is instead of focusing on the problems surrounding me...

Funny, during the course of the next couple of days, I quit writing down how much I was earning and spending and just decided to trust God for daily provisions... and sooner than I think, I'm getting like 3 calls to do PAID gigs here and there... God is faithful, don't worry about your future... Keep serving Him faithfully and he will continue to bless you...

I'm off to church, be encouraged...

Contemplation

2008-10-07T20:50:00.002+01:00

Without God, there is no direction.
No hope for the future.
Not even a desire to hope for some joy that awaits us at the end of the tunnel.
Without direction, we are just lost souls in time
Aimlessly wandering about, striving for temporary earthly objects and acheivements that will eventually pass away.
What is our aim, what is our end?
Everything in life is meaningless.

Still, there is a creator who craves each second, each minute, each hour, each day, each week, each month, each year, each decade, each century, each millenium to have an unbreakable, unchangeable and loving relationship with the people who hurt him the most.

What a mystery...

Frustration

2008-09-16T05:33:00.003+01:00

I'm tired.
I'm tired of people assuming stuff about me which isn't even true.
I'm tired of tired of being the one every one's watching and waiting to see if I stumble and fall or if I live up to my so called responsibilities that I'm "supposed" to be doing.
I'm tired of being constantly disturbed when I need my space.
I'm tired of being forced to answer when I don't want to right at that moment.
I'm tired of reassuring other people that every thing's going to be all right for the umpteenth time and they still don't get it.
I'm tired of people assuming that I don't get what they are saying.
I'm tired of being an emotional punching bag.
I'm tired of being helpless and at a lost in what to do in comforting a loved one through an avenue I have no experience or familiarity in.
I'm tired of people forcing me to eat and then getting wrong ideas about me when I do not oblige.
I'm tired of becoming a better man, constantly improving myself at my own pace, because in the end, the efforts seem to go un-noticed.
I'm tired of pointless money issues.
I'm tired of being wrong.
I'm tired of being blamed for situations I have NO control over.
I'm tired of not having someone who can listen to me vent then emphatize and not just give me their "good advice".
I'm tired and afraid my ugly history will repeat itself again.
I'm tired of caring about the serious repercussions that are probably going to snowball from the moment people read this.
God, Show me how to love like you do.
Because I can never do it in my own human strength.
Not ever.

I'm just friggin' tired.

It's not fair...

2008-07-21T03:38:00.011+01:00

It was not until I arrived back in Singapore that I realised my world and hers were different... I look back with hindsight the family's love that was showered upon me and that was yet taken for granted... I looked back at how God had blessed me with countless opportunities, directing my steps, reassuring me that he was there every waking and sleeping moment in my life... I look back at the friends he provided me with and the relationships that were strengthen by close fellowship. Friends and family who would look out for me whenever I was in trouble... I look back at God's provision... food, shelter, education... and yet I still had the nerve to complain...

How could I not have seen the tears which flowed from my Saviour's face when I was enjoying the comfort of red plush seats, dozing off periodically at Sunday sermons... when at the same time, my other half was being dragged away to some ritual by her mum, not knowing what she was doing, scared half to death by the chants of taoist priests... How could I not have felt his heart ache when I was hanging out with friends mulling over what the best hair product would be... when at the same time my gal was getting stressed about how much she could do for her family in order for them not to be so burdened financially with the cost of 3 of her siblings and her own education. How could I not have heard Jesus cry out to me, begging me to open my mouth and speak about his abundant life, when I was venting about my family not giving me enough space, when she and her family had to put up with a multitude of insults and unloving actions from relatives.

How could I have blocked God out of my life, desensitizing myself to every thing he asked me to do for him... How could I have been so blind to the fact that there were sincere individuals who were searching for eternal answers in this temporal world, desperately seeking out for truth but finding a people who were too ignorant and apathetic to care.

The Bible is clear about one thing, no Jesus, and you're headed for eternal damnation, there is no grey area about it. Could I really live with the fact that I would be enjoying the comforts of everlasting life while the people I would 'care' about in the future would be headed for hell?

Psalm 51:10 - "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."

Talk is Cheap, Actions are Deep

2008-07-08T11:05:00.003+01:00

Darker days grow ahead as the morality of this world is being turned upside down... Sin is becoming the norm and there is a blurred line between right and wrong... Some Christians are living in ignorance and apathy and don't want to fight the spiritual battle we were all called to do... Some bored by long and tedious sermons, wanting to get caught up solely with fun church activities like a BBQ or sports session... missing important prayer and bible study meetings... Sometimes fights happen inside the church, the place where sacrificial love and forgiveness are supposed to be most present... Disputes about traditions, methods, doctrine, music, etc... They take away the focus from what our real purpose is... Non-Christian spectators observe everything going on within the church and are left confused and hurt, wanting to disassociate themselves with anyone who calls himself 'Christian'... Tired of countless arguments like, 'Does God exist?', 'Why is there suffering if there is a loving God?', 'Are morals absolute?'... Each side not listening to another...

I've found that a lot of the Christians who have grown up in the church, including myself, have had this 'I am saved, therefore I most know everything' kind of attitude... It only breeds disgust from many who are unsaved... 1st of all, I don't know it all, I'm still learning and I must check out whether everything I hear is true... Like the Bereans in Acts 17... check out everything from BOTH sides... both Non-Christians and Christians don't bother to do that a lot of the time... They seem to be stuck in their way of life, the way that works for them...

I've had some uncomfortable experiences with both Christians and non-Christians... One would be the time where I decided in my head and heart that I knew it all and had this verbal sparring with a non-Christian and of course, God humbled me, I didn't know the answers to some of the questions... I checked it out afterwards though and realised that there were lots of things that I hadn't learnt. Another time was when I was sharing these experiences with various Christian brothers, one was a pastor... They however, would just shake their heads and contort their faces in unbelief and I could see that it was written on their face the 'How can they (non-Christians) be so stupid, I don't want to listen to this nonsense' kinda look... And they gave a sort of snort of disgust after I shared my experiences with them... In my head I'm like 'Come on man, they are not saved, obviously they won't know about moral absolutes and God's law so why the look?' I guess their reaction took me by surprise, especially with all this talk about loving the lost wherever we go...

So I questioned myself... What happened to a heart of compassion that Christians are supposed to have? Where is the love of God within a Christian that would want to see this soul saved and answer him in a meek and gentle spirit? Why are we segregating ourselves from the very people we are supposed to reach out to? I also questioned the non-Christian's viewpoint... Just because a Christian disrespects and hurts you, you are going deny a God? Aren't Christians human too? NONE of them are perfect, so why judge God based on the bad experiences of his representers? Why base your own salvation on that? All the questions could go on forever... None of them are conclusive so please refrain from emailing me with points that I might have missed out... XD

I watch movies about how missionaries go to the Amazon and sacrifice their lives for the gospel... Just with one powerful sentence when they were asked, 'Are you going to use the guns if the natives try to kill you?' And their response, 'We are ready for heaven, they aren't'... 5 of them died by the hands of the Waudani tribe... And today, the Waudani tribe is taking the gospel to its own people... And then I wonder why a lot of us complain about Sunday sermon being too long so that we can't have lunch... I wonder why we complain when a preacher prays too long about the very people who need God the most... I wonder why I was so selfish being a Christian from birth, maybe it's because I've never really experience extreme suffering at all... maybe suffering helps a person realise the value of life, the basic needs and all that stuff... Sure I got the times where I had fights with my family, fallouts with friends, but today I'm here living better than most of the people in the world... Why should I complain about my situation and how no one understands me? Why should I worry about my tomorrows when God has taken care of everything... Shouldn't I be more compassionate about those around me who are not as fortunate? Shouldn't I be more loving towards those who hurt me and call me stereotypical names like 'hypocrite'? Shouldn't I forgive them for what they say and bless them?

When I stop focusing on myself, I put God and others 1st, then I'll be able to see the change... Too many times, Christians want to change people's behaviours straight away... They see it more like a mission to be accomplished, they view the person more as an object to process rather than a human who need compassion, rather than a lost soul and wandering spirit, in need of the creator's love...

Let go, Let God...

2008-07-04T12:05:00.003+01:00

When I was a teenager, my dreams were big... I wanted to be a superstar... I wanted everyone to look at me and see how great I was... How I could go against Singaporean society and stereotypical asian mentality and rise above the norm to acheive something greater than anyone from my background ever did... In short, it was all about me, what I was, what I could do, what I was all about... I, I, I, me, Me, ME...

So I worked for it, worked on my image, worked on my talent, worked on the things I was good at... And for a few years, it got me where I wanted to be... I could prove my family wrong about me, I could live a high life that I wasn't living when I was a nerd in school, it got me a few extra bucks too... doing a few gigs in hotels and restaurants, etc... And though I wasn't even close to believing it in the early stages, my dreams were starting to become a reality...

I finally went to study a Jazz degree in UK, got a 1st class, was the leader of a big band, interviewed at a radio station, got a £1000 merit award, played with some big names, toured to Scotland and even got a Hollywood offer, would be in L.A. for 6 months, everything paid for...

Yet I look at my life now and realise that all those things never satisfied... It's strange but the happiest moments in my life weren't performing in front of a large audience, getting interviewed on radio and it was definitely not a Hollywood job offer.

I can't remember what was the largest number of people I played too, I've forgotten a lot of songs I've written, I don't remember the number of bands I was in and certainly don't remember some big names I've played with.

I do remember vividly the joy I had when I was growing up with my brother, the relationships that were built in church back in Singapore, the friends from church camp, the seniors who helped my grow in the ACS chapel band, the many friends who supported me when I was in the dumps, even more friends in SYFC whom I had a great chance to hang out with and share loads with. The countless chinese dinner makan sessions with my aunts, uncles and cousins. And certainly it was the time when my girlfriend accepted Jesus into her heart to become Lord and Saviour of her life... on 6th July, 2 more days... I had more joy confessing to God that I had to live right and stop playing religious games... I had more joy being and serving alongside members of a loving Zimbabwean church in London... I had more joy when I was listening to online sermons instead of playing online games, I had more joy writing meaningful poetry rather than cool riffs and licks... I seem to have forgotten about that in the last few months...

So right now at the crossroads in my life, going on to complete a Masters, I am wondering where life's road will lead... As I ponder about my future, God keeps reminding me of how shallow human wisdom is... And as I look at the other people around me in my university and professional life strive for fame and fortune, the things they would do to get what they want, the things they have done, I wonder if in the end it's all really worth it... I take a huge step back and it makes me think if I'm just using people to get what I want and where I want to be... Am I that selfish and shallow? I would like to think not, although truth seems to point otherwise...

There have been many opportunities knocking at my door... It's definitely tempting to accept everyone I get... And a lot of people have encouraged me with seemingly "good" intentions... Something however is pulling me back, it's probably the Holy Spirit inside of me, guiding me although rarely been listening to him... Why do I strive for things that will fade when this world passes away? Wasn't there something in the Bible about storing up your treasures in heaven? Once you have a acheived everything you want to in life, will you be truly happy?

As I reflect on the constant stream of questions pouring out from within me I realise that a lot of people are happy, but they don't have JOY... the kinda joy that makes you feel mmm... I can't describe it... I've experienced that kinda joy before, I want it again... It is so easy to backslide and strive for the things your heart desires...

I guess I'm reminded of how God didn't make us to be isolated individuals focusing on ourselves... cos then it would be all about pride and self-worship, saying God I don't need you, the thing the devil and his minions want... But God made us so that we could have a loving relationship with Him through his son, Jesus Christ... It's all about relationships... I found more joy working on relationships rather than working on myself... so in the end it's not about ME, it's about being unselfish, serving others and being faithful to a loving Father... Just as much as he always is and has been faithful and has a special plan for my life... Which we can all find out about if we let go of our selfish ambitions and let God be the centre of of lives and rule our hearts with his divine love...

Jesus, please restore the years that were wasted and help me to serve you willingly without complaining for perfect love casts out all fear. May my life be used as you wish, forgetting about me, caring about others around me more... And please guard my heart so I do not serve out of selfishness and greed for treasures in heaven, create in me a clean heart, pure, holy and acceptable in your sight... I want to win souls for your kingdom... how I do not know, but I trust in you and I know you will guide me and be right beside me all the way till your kingdom come. I commit all of my life into your hands... In your name I pray, Amen...

Pastor Joe Wright's Prayer

2008-06-01T13:14:00.002+01:00

Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and seek your direction and guidance. We know your Word says, "Woe to those who call evil good," but that's exactly what we've done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and inverted our values.

We confess that we have ridiculed the absolute truth of your Word and called it moral pluralism. We have worshipped other gods and called it multi-culturalism.
We have endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle.
We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.
We have neglected the needy and called it self-preservation.
We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.
We have killed our unborn and called it choice.
We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.
We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building esteem.
We have abused power and called it political savvy.
We have coveted our neighbors' possessions and called it ambition.
We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our fore-fathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us O God and know our hearts today; try us and see if there be some wicked way in us; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Guide and bless these men and women who have been sent here by the people of Kansas, and who have been ordained by you, to govern this great state. Grant them your wisdom to rule and may their decisions direct us to the center of your will. I ask it in the name of your son, the living savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Hand of God

2008-05-14T12:08:00.003+01:00

Had a mad trip to Ireland on Saturday... Was supposed to go with my friend Skippo to an evangelistic event... 5 of us going, Skippo(drums), Tinu(singer), Olmo(saxophone), Bambo(bass) and me(piano)... 4 of us were supposed to meet at Tottenham Hale Rail Station and Skippo would meet us at the airport... I woke at 7am at dragged my sleepy feet to the tube station and halfway during the journey to the meeting place I discover that I had left my passport back at my place... gah... took the train back and then took a cab to my halls to grab the passport and headed towards the station... Skippo called from the airport 5 min before I arrived at Tottenham Hale...

Tinu was there already calling Olmo and Bambo trying to find out where they were... Our check-in time was supposed to be around 11am and we were going to miss the 9.07 fast train... I had to grab some cash but the cash machine wasn't working so I paid for the train ticket with my debit card... Tinu and me decided to get some breakfast at KFC since the guys hadn't showed up yet and the next train was 9.22 fast train... KFC was closed so we went to Burger King and they didn't accept cash there, I placed my order and ran across the road to the nearby petrol kiosk cash machine... ran back and Tinu said that the other guys were here so we had to leave... it was 9:18... had to leave my breakfast at Burger King... Met up with the other guys and Olmo said he had forgotten his passport... we had to decide in about 3 minutes what to do and whether he was going on the plane or whether he still had time to rush back then go to the airport... We took his saxophone and music stand though...

Tinu, Bambo and me met Skippo at Stanstead airport... Skippo and Tinu were on one flight and the rest of us were on another, apparently there was some mix up with the planes... Bambo and me checked in 1st, had a slight hiccup with the metal saxophone and music stand but it worked out, it went on Skippo's flight instead... Skippo was trying to call Olmo... This was about 1030am... Me and Bambo headed towards the departure gates 1st... Skippo and Tinu were still outside waiting but Olmo didn't show... So we all met up near the lounge area...

So anyway, here we are about to leave London and Skippo's phone dies... He was the only one with Olmo's number... I had the old ones... tried calling them but got one of Olmo's friends... Skippo and Tinu head towards the final departure gates... Me and Bambo followe... Skippo found a power supply near the water cooler, so he managed to get in touch with Olmo... This was about 1128... The boarding gates closed at 1130am... 1129, Olmo comes shooting down the walkway, panting for breath... How he managed with the tube closures, I don't know... He was supposed to be able to take a straight train down to where he lived, but he had to change trains 3 times... End of story? Nope, just the beginning...

So we went to Ireland, seperate flights, got picked up by this woman, very nice but didn't know where she was going... so after driving round about the roundabout 3 times, we got dizzy and just followed some road blindly... Olmo calls Skippo and Tinu to find out where the venue was and how we were supposed to get there... Skippo said he was already at the venue but had to go back to the airport because he left his bag in the plane with all his drumsticks and books etc...

We arrived at the venue and there was some mix up with the rooms so we didn't get one to rest in at the end... so we lounged around the hotel... 4 of us waiting for a reply from Skippo... sound check was at 330pm... Skippo still hadn't arrived by 3:15... And we couldn't call him either because his phone was dead!!!

3.20pm Skippo shows up and he says that the plane had left for Paris and would be back later that night... So he had to get new drumsticks... We had sound check with was horrendous cause nobody on stage could hear what we were playing... Had the actual performance and had to play some songs I didn't know at all... Oh well... Another lady comes up and tells us that 2 of the band members from the other act hadn't showed up so we had to cover for them... The other thing, our 9pm flight got cancelled and moved to 7pm so we had to leave early... we went on stage again for another performance and this guy shows up telling us that our flight had been moved to 11pm... so we sat and waited for a bit... then he comes back again saying that we have to go now cause it got shifted again... So we had about half an hour to get to the airport...

We arrived there at 8pm and started checking in, Skippo found his bag at the lost and found... amazing... it has Tinu's shoes in there as well... Anyway, we headed towards the boarding gates... Grabbed a few Burger King bites and started gobbling down our food... The security guy told us we had time so we chilled out a bit... at 8.30pm we headed towards the plane... and we heard FINAL CALL for our flight... so all 5 of us started running... it was really funny... what a day... managed to catch our flight...

There's more... we landed at Luton Airport and tried calling a cab but the 1st one didn't want to pick us up cause we were over the passenger limit... we called a 7 seater instead and the cab driver was something else... after arguing about the price... which was like £100... insane... we had to drop Olmo off 1st in Central London and then all of us around North London... He wasted A LOT of time playing with the sat nav... gah... and he turned right when the sign said NO RIGHT TURN... Then he travelled from the North West down to Central and the back up to North East... I got back home in one piece though and so did the rest... Was about 1.15 in the morning, I plonked myself on the bed and went to sleep... Wonder what kinda of adventures God has in store for me next... That was fun test of faith...

Reality

2008-05-01T09:24:00.002+01:00

Rantings

2008-04-23T15:15:00.007+01:00

leave me alone
i'd rather die in solitude
then have 7 people ask me for favours every day
the work doesn't end
the money doesn't roll
why should i care

so what if i hurt those closest to me
i have everything to lose
yet i feel nothing

my folks probably care more about topical bible studies
and housegroup meetings
what's important to me
how i feel
untouched
call me selfish
i'm still human

never a close knit relationship
my past haunts me
my disease afflicts me
my future uncertain
do people understand
maybe, maybe not

lecturers put me in the spotlight
my life is under watch
every moment
every waking moment
i prepare myself mentally for someone waiting for me to slip up

church pressure
a losing battle with sin
i would be freer on sundays
but i grew out of waking early

pointless questions
tasteless jokes
hurt me and i hurt you
emotionally
i've gotten good
let's see if you recover from that

i don't hear God's voice no more
call me unfaithful, call me a backslider
do you think it's going to solve anything

i want to run through the forest
in the cold of the night
screaming my lungs out
laziness envelops
i stay in my room
it facilitates my addictions

my siblings grow distant
my partner?
she's got her own problems
i can't be her superman
love her still
need space
too many questions
i'm not an emotional punching bag
do i care more about other people than her
no
breaks my heart
when i can't be her rock

my gift
a curse
a blessing
i'm sick of people exploiting it
grow a brain and think
people slow me down

a vision of a face
smashed through a glass window
sew the stitches up yourself
if you don't drown first in the pool of blood

this is reality
not some dude in church on sunday
asking me how i am
then walking away without even listening
saying good to see you here
people tire me
trying to impress me
with their scriptural or musical knowledge

my own development
hampered
inspired, uninspired
maybe if i stopped helping people with their deficiencies
i could be great
yea right

assumptions
patronizing elder generations
a never ending list of seemingly good-intentioned people
they make me sick
barbers in uk
should go back to school

my patience
exhausted
no more favours
once i graduate
nothing's free
take it or leave it

out
J

Don't Bother Me

2008-04-12T14:30:00.004+01:00

Don't bother me
With souls to save.
I have my own agenda.
There's school to do,
Sports to play,
Important stuff to attend to.

Don't bother me
With my friend at work.
He's got his own religion.
I don't have time
to change his mind.
He'll make his own decision.

Don't bother me
With that little girl,
That girl playing in the street.
She's much too young
To understand
The Saviour she could meet.

Don't bother me
With sounds I hear.
The sounds of people shrieking.
Although I wonder who they are,
Who are these people screaming?

Don't bother me
With who they are
I really don't want the blame.
Cause it's my friend
And the little girl
Who, from hell,
scream out my name.

1st Away From Shore Fishing Experience

2008-04-09T03:44:00.004+01:00

I thought I'd shut up with the judgemental views on Christians not doing enough on sharing the gospel and get round to doing something rather than complaining about it... was quite nervous cause it's my 1st attempt at doing anything like this... I'm praying that I'll be better prepared next time... Anyway, here's my friend Hugh...

Motives

2008-04-04T22:34:00.002+01:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few months... About friends and how to witness to them... It feels like so much of a challenge sometimes when whatever you're saying is not going through to them... I've been giving trying to prove biblical facts, giving out gospel tracks, inviting some to church, debating with a few... All this to no avail... And I wonder, God, why is what I'm doing not working... These past few weeks, months, I've been constantly discouraged, disheartened at the response of a lot of friends...

A few weeks ago, I came back to Basingstoke... and saw a DVD my father bought... it was about the end times and revelation and all... we were watching behind the scenes footage at lunch one day... I suddenly saw this interesting video of how there was on-the-street evangelism going on... I checked out the website www.wayofthemaster.com

Then I suddenly realised my approach in evagenlising... too many people go for the intellect... proving God exists... this website talks about going for the conscience... interesting... It dawned on me that I had to really show I cared about the people I was talking to... instead of trying to prove them wrong, trying to win arguments, etc... I saw how they talked to gang members, druggies, rebels... etc...

People can tell if you really care about them or if you have that self-righteous look on your face... saying I'm right about this and you're not... Time to re-think my approach in talking with people... I'm gonna put some missions up on the blog soon... exciting :)

Peace...

Easter

2008-04-04T20:27:00.002+01:00

Found an article about Easter... what do you guys think?

Should Christians Celebrate Easter?
By Pastor Jeff Alexander

Easter is commonly understood to be a Christian holiday celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The date for it is set as the Sunday immediately following the fourteenth day of the paschal (Passover) moon, which happens on or after the vernal equinox. However, as is explained in the Schaff-Herzog Encyclopedia of Religious Knowledge (Vol. 2, p. 682), “The present variable time [for fixing the date of Easter] was appointed by early Romanism in amalgamation with the very ancient pagan spring festival to the goddess of the spring.”

The resurrection of Christ occurred the Sunday following the fourteenth of Nisan. Unlike Christmas, we can be fairly certain that we are celebrating our Lord’s triumph over death on its approximate anniversary date. A complication arises when we discover that the pagan festival to the goddess of spring was also celebrated at the same time. This leads us to question whether Easter has not been corrupted by considerable pagan baggage. Abundant evidence supports the fact that the Greco-Roman church tended to amalgamate idolatrous rites into the Christianity they were introducing to heathen cultures. The philosophy was that non-Christians would be more likely to embrace Christianity if they were allowed to retained their pagan practices, especially if some Christian correspondence with their traditions could be established.

As a result, pagan symbols have been so thoroughly embedded that they are now generally thought to be Christian in origin. An example is the Easter lily. Where is there biblical authority for its prevalence at Easter? Merrill Unger (Archeology and the Old Testament, pp. 173, 174) describes the Canaanite goddess “as a nude woman bestride a lion with a lily in one hand and a serpent in the other.” The lily “bespeaks the grace and sex appeal of the bearer” and the serpent “symbolizes her fecundity” (fertility).

If anyone thinks it is too great a leap from the pagan symbolism of the lily to its place at Easter, one need only investigate the name Easter. W. E. Vine writes, “The term Easter is not of Christian origin. It is another form of Astarte, one of the titles of the Chaldean goddess, the queen of heaven” (Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words, entry “Easter” loc. cit.). The Chaldean Semeramis, the wife of Nimrod, was the original impersonation of the “queen of heaven,” the goddess of spring. The Babylonians called her Ishtar. To the Canaanites she was known as Astarte. She is Venus of the Greeks, Aphrodite of the Romans, and Ashtoreth of the Zidonians. These all represent fertility and were worshipped in the spring as new life burst forth after the death grip of winter. Hastings Encyclopedia on Religious Ethics describes these ancient Easters as “spring feasts . . . marked with great sexual license” (p. 117).

In Anglo-Saxon culture Astarte was known as Eostre (the Saxon origin of the English word Easter), in whose honor the Druids held religious festivals in April, calling it Easter Month (Eostre-monath). This may be the reason for the careless insertion of the word Easter instead of Passover to translate pascha in Acts 12:4 in the King James Version.
Other objects associated with the modern celebration of Easter join the lily as suspect. The egg as a symbol of fertility is found universally in ancient cultures. The Egyptians, Persians, and Chinese all had customs of coloring eggs. Babylonian legend teaches that an egg of great size fell from heaven into the Euphrates River, where fishes rolled it onto the bank. There it was incubated by doves until it hatched out (who else?) the “queen of heaven.”

The Roman Church incorporated the egg as an emblem of Christ’s resurrection. Pope Paul V taught people to pray at Easter, “Bless, O Lord, we beseech thee this, thy creature of eggs, that it may become a wholesome sustenance unto thy servants, eating it in remembrance of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Again, where is the biblical authority to support such a notion?
The Easter bunny, actually a hare, was associated with the moon because of its nocturnal habits. The Egyptians called the hare, un, which means “to open”—to open spring at the vernal equinox. Un also means “period”—both lunar and human cycles, the hare having prolific fertility.

The modern Easter egg hunt can be traced back to pagan Germany. Children were told that if they were good, a white hare would steal into the house while they were asleep and put a number of beautifully colored eggs in odd corners of the house for them to find when they awoke. Again, what have hares and colored eggs to do with the risen Lord?

Lent is also of Babylonian origin. The English word Lent comes from the Saxon Lenct, meaning “spring.” It represents a period of mourning for Tammuz, the supposed reincarnation of Semeramis’ husband, Nimrod, whose death and reappearance was celebrated in the spring. Forty days of mourning preceded the one day of joy over the return of Tammuz. God condemned Israel’s partaking in this celebration: “And He said to me, ‘Turn again, and you will see greater abominations that they are doing.’ So He brought me to the door of the north gate of the LORD’s house; and to my dismay, women were sitting there weeping for Tammuz” (Ezek. 8:13-14, NKJV). How has Satan so cleverly corrupted the truth!

And what of hot cross buns? A sacrificial “cake” made with fine flour and honey was offered to the “queen of heaven” on Friday. It was called a “boun,” from which we get our word “bun.” “The children gather wood, the fathers kindle the fire, and the women knead dough, to make cakes for the queen of heaven; and they pour out drink offerings to other gods, that they may provoke Me to anger” (Jeremiah 7:18, NKJV). “The women also said, ‘And when we burned incense to the queen of heaven and poured out drink offerings to her, did we make cakes for her, to worship her, and pour out drink offerings to her without our husbands’ permission?’” (Jeremiah 44:19, NKJV).

Believers need to know that the early church did not celebrate a special day either to commemorate the Lord’s incarnation or His resurrection. Believers should also know that people did not widely celebrate Easter in America until after the Civil War (late 1800s) when there was a large immigration of European Catholics to this country.
There is no celebration of any Christian holidays in the New Testament. Early Jewish Christians linked the resurrection with the Passover, observed on the fourteenth day of Nisan in accord with Christ’s command to “do this in remembrance of Me” (Luke 22:19, NKJV). Only later did Gentile churches, unfamiliar with Jewish customs, begin to celebrate the resurrection on the Lord’s Day (Sunday). The Council of Nicea (A. D. 325) ruled that Easter should be celebrated on the first Sunday after the full moon following the vernal equinox. This is the system followed today.

The question before us remains. Should Christians celebrate Easter? Certainly no one, especially Christians in our day, would associate chocolate bunnies with the vile and sensual rites of ancient fertility cults. However, I believe that we must look deeper. First, do our customs distract us from the real message? It is certain that the world will use any tactic to deflect attention from Christ and His truth in order to avoid dealing with sin. Are believers not helping them by indulging in these seemingly innocent though unauthorized additions? Further, in our increasingly pagan culture, where the Lord is summarily dismissed and substituted by Santa and the Easter Bunny, are we not compromising our Lord by partaking in these inane diversions?

Second, if we were merely ignorant of the origin and meaning of these extra-biblical adornments to the seasons, we might have excuse for participation; however, since we know the truth, should we not abstain from them? Israel was continually attracted to the pagan practices of her neighbors, provoking God to anger. Are we not in danger of offending our Lord by taking part in things that are rooted in the same pagan idolatry that caused Israel’s fall?

Paul warns us, “Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them” (Eph. 5:11, NKJV). Again he writes: “What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. . . Therefore ‘Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean’” (2 Cor. 6:16, 17, NKJV). Jesus said, “You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is highly esteemed among men is an abomination in the sight of God” (Luke 16:15, NKJV).
Of course, we must celebrate our Lord’s triumph over sin and the grave. However, as gospel-preaching churches, let us call it by a biblical designation—Resurrection Sunday—instead of a derivative of the idolatrous goddess of spring. Churches must also avoid the worldly and commercial baggage associated with these holidays for two reasons. (1) They are unauthorized by the Word of God. (2) They actually distract from, rather than promote, the gospel of Christ.

Murmurs

2008-03-20T20:01:00.003Z

As I reflect back on these past few weeks, I realise how much complaining I have done... How the weather sucks, how my school isn't going the way I want to, how I have too much schoolwork, how I need to lose weight, how I'm uncertain about the future... etc, etc... I believe all of us are there at some points in our lives...

Philippians 2:14-16

Do all things without murmurings and disputings:
That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;
Holding forth the word of life; that I may rejoice in the day of Christ, that I have not run in vain, neither laboured in vain.

Re-thinking...

Tears

2008-03-11T10:57:00.006Z

I've been watching a couple of Hollywood films the last few days... Hulk, Jurrasic Park, Spiderman 3, Last Mohican... Lots of action, lots of science, lots of bloodshed... something however was making me go why am I watching people killing each other? maybe it was this verse...

Psalm 101:3 "I shall set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside: it shall not cleave to me"

Another thing, I've also seen how media can influence people a whole lot... Like telling people how great science is, telling them to believe that dinosaurs lived 65 million years ago, how getting revenge is ok...

How emotions are evoked through visuals and how this generation listens with its eyes and thinks with its feelings... No wonder so many people don't believe in a God who loves them dearly...

Somewhere along the way, media has filtered out any sense of reason to the spiritual realm... Computer graphics has killed imagination... People chasing elusive dreams, running after stardom... For what? Love, Fame, Money?

Attempts to be religious fail...

- Give money to the poor so that God will bless you more, isn't that selfish?

- Go on a mission trip far away and ask the church to sponsor you because you're running away from social and financial obligations, isn't that irresponsible?

- Ignore the people God has place around you to make a difference in their lives because you think they aren't worth the time and effort and you're caught up with your own problems, isn't that unloving?

Lord, help me to remember you... and do what you say...

So many questions racing around in my mind
To which the answers I'm trying to find
Uncertainty embraces every thought
Of the One whom I nearly forgot

Where the nails pierced His hands
Was I truly forgiven?
Did a crown of thorns save my soul?
Did a voice shouting out pave a way to heaven?

Do I still believe what I'm told?
He said trust me and you'll see a purpose for your life
I need guidance and direction in searching for the meaning of my life

This is reality, not hollywood...

Still complain you're fat? or unhappy?

Beyond Yourself

2008-03-04T00:12:00.005Z

Past few weeks have been eventful... My big band played and rocked the house at the middlesex university "scratch festival"... The place was packed till the doors... After 85+ hours of composing, rehearsing, hard work finally paid off... Was a great day... Mentioned it to my mum that night... she however was more concerned about whether my pastor needed any help in moving house, especially with a new baby and all... Then it hit me, I needed to stop being so selfish, attending to my needs 1st then considering others... Sometimes I wonder why I complain about not having any inspiration in music making, about band members turning up late, about how no one appreciates the sophisticated artistry behind creating new skins for old songs..

Anyway, it amazes me how humans always look out for themselves 1st... Like in my case, though I wasn't completely oblivious to the fact that my pastor and his wife needed help moving, the weight of the matter only dawned on me when the phone call to home was made... Here were two individuals who had given all their love, time, basically their whole life in building up members in the church with the word of God... As I reflected how they made a difference in my life, I realised one thing about them... They made me know how much they cared instead of telling me how much they knew...

Another thing, my girlfriend hasn't seen her family in 2 years, she's surviving on her sister's and dad's income and working and studying at the same time so she can do her family proud... And she still finds the time to cook for me whenever she can... what more can I say... One of her flatmates has had a mum in prison, cheated on in relationships and her dad's near his death bed... Unsaved...

Yep, there may be a lot more stories to tell if I actually sit down and reflect... But sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder if I'm taking my blessed life for granted...

Finishing a race well...

2008-02-25T11:33:00.004Z

Ok, for the past few months this theme has kept coming back to me... to be in this world but not of it... Maybe God's trying to tell me something... I dunno... here are a few verses to help...

"...the whole world lies under the sway of the wicked one." 1 John 5:19

"...do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.... Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good." Romans 12:2, 9

"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world -- the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life -- is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever." 1 John 2:15-17

"Jesus answered, 'My kingdom is not of this world. If My kingdom were of this world, My servants would fight, so that I should not be delivered to the Jews; but now My kingdom is not from here." John 18:36

"Friendship with the world is enmity to God." James 4:4

"...the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed." John 3:19-20

"...the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it." John 1:5
"Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; who put darkness for light, and light for darkness.... Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight!" Isaiah 5:20-21

"He [Jesus] turned and said to Peter, 'Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men.'" Matthew 16:23

"Blessed is that man who makes the Lord his trust, and does not respect the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies." Psalm 40:4

"Do not be deceived: 'Evil company corrupts good habits.' Awake to righteousness, and do not sin...." 1 Corinthians 15:33-34

"My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent." Proverbs 1:10"Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of evil. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn away from it and pass on." Proverbs 4:14

"...all seek their own, not the things which are of Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:21

"Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God. Those by the wayside are the ones who hear; then the devil comes and takes away the word out of their hearts, lest they should believe and be saved. But the ones on the rock are those who, when they hear, receive the word with joy; and these have no root, who believe for a while and in time of temptation fall away. Now the ones that fell among thorns are those who, when they have heard, go out and are choked with cares, riches, and pleasures of life, and bring no fruit to maturity. But the ones that fell on the good ground are those who, having heard the word with a noble and good heart, keep it and bear fruit with patience." Luke 8:11-15

"... in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! "...all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. But evil men and impostors will grow worse and worse, deceiving and being deceived. But you must continue in the things which you have learned..." 2 Timothy 3:1-14

In the world -- sharing His Truth and love - but not part of it!

"As the Father has sent Me, I also send you.” John 20:21

“Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place. For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are saved and among those who are perishing. To the one we are the aroma of death leading to death, and to the other the aroma of life leading to life. And who is sufficient for these things?" 2 Corinthians 2:14-16

Those who refuse to love the world face hostility

"If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. But all these things they will do to you for My name’s sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me. " John 15:18-21

"I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth. As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world." John 17:14-18

"...the time is coming that whoever kills you will think that he offers God service. And these things they will do to you because they have not known the Father nor Me." John 16:2-3

"Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place. For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are saved and among those who are perishing. To the one we are the aroma of death leading to death, and to the other the aroma of life leading to life." 2 Corinthians 2:14-16

"Just as they have chosen their own ways,
And their soul delights in their abominations,
So will I choose their delusions and bring their fears on them;
Because when I called, no one answered,
When I spoke they did not hear;
But they did evil before My eyes
And chose that in which I do not delight."
Hear the word of the Lord, you who tremble at His Word;
Your brethren who hated you,
Who cast you out for My name's sake, said,
'Let the Lord be glorified that we may see your joy,'
But they shall be ashamed." Isaiah 66:3-4

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Choose your position - whom will you follow?

"Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.... "See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit...." Ephesians 5:8-18

And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15

"For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body...." Philippians 3:20

Been facing a bit of hostility and segregation from former close friends ever since I started taking Jesus a bit more seriously... Hard? yes... Impossible? No... Press on and keep showing others around you God's love...

True Story at XXXChurch...

2008-02-20T11:29:00.003Z

Jennifer’s Testimony:

I’m so excited about what you are doing at XXX Church. I’ve got to share my story. It’s amazing that I am even sharing it, because I lived withmy “dirty little secret” for 11 years. That’s right, I struggled withporn addiction for ELEVEN years. And what’s even more surprising, I am a woman.

My parents gave their lives to Christ when I was four years old, so I grew up in the church. I never missed a service and was the “perfect” little church girl. Growing up, I was very insecure and tended to enjoy attention from any guy I could get it from. When I was 17, I started attending college which opened me up to the “real” world – no longer was I sheltered girl. My addiction started in the computer lab of the school library when no one was around (which was a lot believe it or not). It started as harmless chat with guys, which then turned sexual, and I was so naive of what was beginning to happen. Soon sexual chat turned to pictures of porn, and then to videos of porn, and then I was caught. My porn addiction grew as I got my own computer and internet connection in my bedroom. I was 18 years old, and I guess my parents were totally oblivious. Soon late nights at home were filled with a horrible secret that I kept completely silent. I still maintained the “perfect” girl on the outside and evenwas involved in ministry at my church. I was a musician, I was a youth worker in the youth group, and was involved in several other ministries in the church. The shame and guilt of my addiction was with me DAILY. I thought something was terribly wrong with me. Porn addiction was for men only right? I was terrified that someone would find me out, and my life would be over.

My porn and sex addiction even bled over into real life. At 19, I lost my virginity and began a stream of promiscuity that led up to my marriage – all the while still attending church and still keeping my “front” up. NO ONE KNEW – or so I thought. I even tried attending a Bible college, but my porn and sex addiction caught up with me when I was caught sleeping with a guy and I was asked to leave. I returned home ashamed and embarrassed.

You would think that was my bottom, but no – there was more to come.
At 22, I met the man I married. I sure lucked out, because he was a Godly man who must have seen something inside of me worth loving – I don’t know how, because I was such a broken person inside because of the secret sin I had now been hiding for five years.

I thought my porn addiction would go away when I got married. After all, sex was available to me any time I wanted it right? I was so wrong. It got worse. Soon, it began affecting my sex life with my husband. I thought he had no idea what was going on – but he must have.

At 24, we had our first son. I would say the porn addiction laid dormant for a little while and I thought I had it beat. Of course I hadn’t, because I had never dealt with the issues that kept me going back to porn. So soon after my son was born, I started the porn again. My husband must have been praying, and he one day asked me, “Something has me worried about you and computer and I can’t figure out what it is.” Of course I lied and TOTALLY covered it up, and even gave up porn for a short while because I was terrified he would find me out. But eventually, it came right back.

We moved to a new church, and got involved in ministry right away. The porn was like a cancer eating me alive. It has totally infiltrated my marriage totally unaware to my husband, and I finally hit rock bottom. The day came when my son – who was four at the time - walked in on me viewing porn. Although he did not see anything, he could have. I had to stop this cycle of addiction and sin. I had since had another son, and every day was just a gamble on whether or not I would get caught.

I decided the “dirty little secret” had to come out. The shame and guilt were so strong, I was so afraid of someone finding out – I kept this secret at ANY cost. And the cost was going to be my marriage, and my sons. First, I decided to tell my husband. I thought he would be so angry and leave me, or expose me to the world for the rotten person I was and had become. But he didn’t – he had such a forgiving spirit and told me that I needed to share my story with others. I decided to start an Addiction Group at church and decided that I wanted to help those like me, but in turn I was helping myself. Through this group (which only consisted of two women and myself), I shared my problem, and one of them ended up having the same problem as me. Weeks and weeks we worked through the issues which made us turn to porn, and slowly God had begun to heal us.

Something definitely had been wrong inside my heart, because I was not afraid of God being able to see all that I was doing. But just because people weren’t, somehow I made that okay in my mind. A few other people came my way – and I shared my story. Men and women alike opened themselves up to me sharing that they had the SAME problem! I was amazed at the number of women though, who struggle with porn addiction. I was not alone. With every person I shared my testimony with, my shame and guilt melted away and I felt like God was showing me how this could be used for good. Eleven years of struggling with porn was finally turning around – and it was making a difference one person at a time.

It has been one year since I have been porn free. Do I ever have temptations? SURE, we all do. Thoughts sometimes enter my mind….but I have made myself accountable with the X3 Watch software and now have two accountability partners who check up on me.
I hope my testimony helps someone else out there. God has called me to share it to help the unlikely addicts of porn – WOMEN. You are not alone, you just have to get past the shame and fear, and reach out and open your mouth and talk about it.

I have already gone to our pastor about Porn Sunday, and my burden toshare my testimony. Some in our church think that’s it’s too shocking of a topic to deal with, but I am living proof of the need – even in ministry.

XXX Church, don’t stop what you are doing. This must be talked about. Silence is what kept me in addiction for so many years, and now that the fear is gone, there is such freedom!

Jennifer
29 years old
Wife and Mom

The Crosswalk

2008-02-15T11:05:00.018Z

Does this look familiar to you?

Sinner's Lament

2008-02-09T17:46:00.000Z

Disclaimer: In no way is this poem referring to anyone in particular and in no way do I want to sound like I'm judging any one. Pictures below are me and my gf before Christ and after Christ... I tried to write this poem imagining myself as a non-Christian. All hypothetical...

You really must be joking
You assume I don't have ears
Yet tales of things you say and do
Get round for me to hear

You look, condemn and judge my life
With beady, questioning eyes
You call yourself a child of God
And each day pass me by

I hear the words "you heathen"
It's written on your face
It's why I'm not in church, no more
I couldn't stand the place

Did God not ever tell you
Judge not lest ye be judged?
Surprised I know a Bible verse?
Or too caught up with a grudge?

I've seen right through the fakeness
"Praise God!" on Sunday morn
When service stops you head your way
Cuss, swear and watch some porn

You quote all memory verses
Like some doctrinal star
I've always clocked you downing pints
And smoking at the bar

I'm living in lasciviousness
It's all I ever knew
At least there's no facade unlike a
Hypocrite like you

You think I want to be here?
Where sin and evil dwell?
You really think I'd rather spend
Eternity in hell?

The questions to this life
Mine's always in a mess
I wanted something genuine
Much more than just "God bless"

But no, you hang with friends
And organize your worship "shows"
2 blocks down I hurt and there's
No one to help me grow

You've preached on how to reach
The lost in distant lands
And yet you never love the ones
Beside you when you can

You argue with the leaders
'Bout litugical traditions
You're sorting annual business plans
Ignoring my condition

You want to look real pious
So you help out Uncle Dave
Hope for God to bless you with
10 fold of what you gave

What happened to agape love
When all I had was hate?
Just guess the reason why I'm in
This sad demential state

I did not hear the truth because
You've kept it all this while
Although one verse from Mark or John
Would've helped to make me smile

So go about your weekly chores
But know each passing day
Drifts by as you enjoy God's love
As my life wastes away

P.S. What would happen if this was a real non-Christian writing the poem and Christians got offended by the very people they are trying to reach? What happens to people left in the peripherary because Christians got offended at something a non-believer said?

Chosen

2008-02-06T10:32:00.000Z

I'm amazed at how He loves me
Even though I trip and fall
I'm amazed at how He holds me
Whenever I cry and call

I'm amazed at His sufficient grace
Each time I'm stuck in sin
I'm amazed at His forgiveness
He corrects and disciplines

I'm amazed at how He chose me
To use me for His plan
I don't deserve his mercy
I'm merely just a man

I don't know why He picked me
I'm not fit to call Him Lord
I guess I'll never understand
The sovereignty of God

Yet one thing I have realised
It makes me more enthralled
He doesn't call the qualified
He qualifies the called

Wolves among Sheep...

2008-01-30T15:04:00.000Z

I found this on the internet... Quite thought provoking...

There is real hypocrisy going on in the name of ecumenism today. More and more churches are saying that they want to come together in unity in the name of Christ, while at the same time working on ways to steal sheep away from the very churches they attend prayer breakfasts with. The "church growth" movement is not about bringing people to Christ; it is about bringing Christians into your congregation. That is known as "transfer growth." Churchianity has become a very competitive business at a time when very few unchurched people are open to hearing the truth of the Gospel.

The recent television commercials by a variety of churches and cults all say, "come to our church where you will be accepted and be a part of a real faith community." The commercials recently released by the United Church of Christ reveal just how desperate these dying churches are for persons to warm their pews. Their motto is: "The United Church of Christ seeks to be Multiracial Multicultural, Open and Affirming, and Accessible to All - A Church where everyone is welcome!" In the commercial, a variety of people sitting in the pews get ejected up and out, including two gay men snuggling together. The UCC’s definition of "Open and Affirming (OAA)" means "it has publicly declared that ‘gay, lesbian, bisexual’ (GLB) people or those of all ‘sexual orientations’ are welcome in its full life and ministry; e.g. membership, leadership, employment etc."

The words "Open and Affirming" mentioned on UCC’s website links to a website sponsored by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. The program is called "Shower of Stoles" which "is a collection of over a thousand liturgical stoles and other sacred items from gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons from twenty-six denominations in six countries. Each stole contains the story of a GLBT person who is active in the life and leadership of their faith community in some way: minister, elder, deacon, teacher, missionary, musician, administrator or active layperson." The page has listings of OAA churches around the world so that GLB people can find a congregation that doesn’t expect them to reject their sinful lifestyles in order to be accepted in the "faith community." These include congregations from just about all the Protestant churches such as Methodist, Presbyterian, Lutheran, Baptist, Disciples of Christ, Mennonite, Quaker, Church of the Brethren, and a host of newer churches like the Metropolitan Community Church.

So as the Protestant churches place ads to get others in the faith community to join their group, the Catholics are working overtime to bring former Catholics back to fill their own dwindling pews. During a recent visit to a Marian shrine in Santa Clara, I bought some Catholic tracts at the parish gift shop. One was fashioned after David Letterman’s "Top Ten" list that counts down from the tenth to the number one response. Here is the tract’s list without the elaboration they included under each heading.

My counter-list is next to theirs.
From the Catholic tract, "Top 10 Reasons to Come Back to the Catholic Church"

10. Because they want meaning in life.

9. Because childhood memories surface.

8. Because they made mistakes.

7. Because they need to forgive others.

6. Because they want to be healed.

5. Because the Catholic Church has the fullness of truth and grace.

4. Because they want their children to have a faith foundation.

3. Because they want to be part of a faith community.

2. Because they want to help other people.

1. Because they hunger for the Eucharist.

My list of 10 reasons practicing Catholics do (or should) leave the Catholic Church

10. Because they need to lose their life in this world to find it.
9. Because childhood memories of abuse at the hands of priests and nuns resurface.
8. Because they realize the mistake they made in joining Catholicism in the first place.
7. Because they have forgiven those who raised them Catholic and chose to move on.
6. Because they realize only Jesus can heal their souls.
5. Because the Catholic Church has the fullness of apostasy.
4. Because they don’t want to abuse their own children by feeding them man’s religion.
3. Because they want to join the true body of Christ.
2. Because they want to minister the truth to others and lead them to Christ.
1. Because they love the real Jesus and not the idol of the eucharist.

In a time of growing apostasy in the church of Jesus Christ, it is so important for the believer to know what the Bible teaches and to test all things, holding fast that which is true. Those coming after our souls are getting more and more clever at finding ways to direct us away from the foundation of the Word of God and get us to conform to this world’s programs under the banner of "liberty," "tolerance" and "love". We must hold fast our confession until He comes for us.
♥♥♥

Dear Jesus, rescue your people from the mouths of the hungry wolves. Strengthen us so that we do not tire of testing all things. Help us to take the risk of being unpopular in this world, and even in our churches, in order to fellowship with You outside the camp. Thank You for the joy of our salvation and that You loved us before we even knew who You are. Tighten up our armor so that we can take our stand against the wiles of the enemy. We look to You today for the grace to keep our feet from stumbling. To God be the glory, Amen!

Preaching on the streets should be fun this Sunday :D

Be Christ-like

2008-01-26T02:28:00.000Z

I've always had
I must confess
The strong will to
Pursue sucess

The finest food
Hip clothes and cash
I have amassed
Just one big stash

2 cars, 3 kids
1 gorgeous wife
Surely I've won
I've conquered life?

It's just not right
Something's amiss
God show me how
To live in bliss

God are you there?
God do you care?
Common questions
People share

And then a sound
In sleep and dream
It pierces through
My silent scream

A still small voice
Whispers to thee
Quit doing you
Start being me

How popular is Jesus with you?

2008-01-24T12:20:00.000Z

You can tell how popular a speaker is by the crowd at the Sunday Morning Service...
You can tell how popular a church is by the crowd at the Sunday Evening Service...
You can tell how popular Jesus is by the Friday night prayer meeting...

'Nuff said...

Prayer

2008-01-24T01:16:00.000Z

Lord, bestow unto me
The faith of Abraham
The wisdom of Solomon
The heart of David
But most of all
The agape love of Jesus Christ

Shop Shock...

2008-01-15T11:18:00.000Z

After about 3 months of not shopping, I hit central London about 2 weeks ago... Had to get this jazz fake book from chappell's music store and then meet huinee after that to go get some boots for her... Anyway, I had an eye-opening experience...

Everywhere I went I saw advertisements of products, with the manufacturers' slogans on the posters, persuading or brainwashing you to buy their stuff... ok, that I understand, but do they have to use the word of God to do so?

I walked past a clothing department store and on the windows were a few gigantic posters with the words... I shop, therefore I am... I'm like... whoa... God's word is getting profaned publicly now... satan's plan to deify man evidently in this ad... I kept on walking and on the same window saw another poster which had the same connotations... can't remember now...

My memory flashed back to about a month ago as I brisked pass frantic pedestrians... I remembered a coffeeshop that me and huinee went to... On the walls was an ad with a picture of chocolates on them... the words in bold, italic... Thy will be done...

Hrmm, one world government might be coming soon, one united religion and a promise of world peace... especially with all this propoganda slowly being drip-fed into society... Revelation and Daniel are good books to read...

Anyway, as I was reaching primark, I recalled another day I went into a gift shop... There on the card was the Lord's prayer, stained with substituted words... something like... Give us this day our daily beer and deliver us from hangovers... shocking... There were lots more cards like that... Like a depiction of an angry wife and a catch phrase blatantly portraying domestic abuse... Also posters of semi-naked men and ladies celebrities posing... guys aren't the only ones who face temptations daily...

The kids section in a book store I went to was even more shocking... wizadry for beginners... I'm like... You have got to be kidding me... I opened the book... There in front of my face stood potions packaged neatly in middle of the book, feathers and powders and all... My heart sank... Is this really what the kids are reading today? There are spells listed there as well and how to make your own concoction... I closed it and went on to the next section of books... Art... Hrmm, should get something for my sister... Was disgusted at how one could make half a body of a dead cow art... and there were nudes on display as well... in the PUBLIC area... children pass these everyday and it bothers me...

I travelled up the escalator to see the section about religion and philosophy... after scanning through new age thinking and yoga titles, my eyes came across this book... Wicca... for beginners... hang on... isn't that... yep, indeed... I just googled it up on the wiki... and Wicca is only one variety of pagan witchcraft, with distinctive ritual forms, seasonal observances and religious, magical and ethical precepts. I didn't open the book, I walked quickly out of the store...

Virgin Megastore was good, I managed to buy a few jazz cds... Actually, the word Virgin for a megastore is debatable as to whether it'd be a good influence on kids if they ever asked what the word meant... I have an affinity for complex sentences... ok, in layman's terms, I think a lot more than normal... Anyway, I went to the gaming area... where the xbox 360s were being sold... Saw a couple of games there... reminded me of the time I went into this warcraft shop... The graphics were frightening... White dwarves were demon-esque and there was so much bloodshed being shown... Media is having a terrible influence on children... watch where they go for the sake of humanity...

I left the games section and proceeded to the movie area... references to sexual promiscuity, foul language and violence dotted every movie... My eyes peeked up from behind the shelves... there in font size 1578 were the words... Adult section 18+... Whoaaaa... porn is going public now? I remember experiences in sex shops so I fled from the place...

Tube stations weren't so good either... you had adverts of cupid and fate, chuck and larry, probably promoting homosexuality... Adverts of philosophy courses in which you find the meaning of life using human reasoning... etc... Flashback... TV in basingstoke... Dangerous... It had been a while since I turned the television on... The programs that came on after 9pm whilst I was flipping through channels with huinee... Both of us were stunned... full frontal nudity of women, adverts of porn manager for your mobile phone, big brother antics... All descrating the intention of God's plan for a healthy sex relationship in marraige... the white on the wedding gown symbolising sanctity and purity tarnished...

Surfing the net on your computer for backdrops for your facebook, friendster or myspace account is tricky too... I look up the "religious" wallpaper section and I find a female devil and angel dressed in playboy gear... that's another reason why I quit friendster and myspace and don't have facebook... well, don't you peek at "hot" profiles out of curiousity? Careful, I was in that trap before... Even some of the comments people leave on the tagboard are htmls of japanese av idols... I cut off that media influence 2 months ago and life has been so much better... my mind is so much clearer...

Even searching for bible images don't help... you have "Jesus is my homeboy" t-shirts and mugs on sale, cartoons which seem to poke fun at every aspect of the bible and slogans about Christianity... Do we really have to reduce the all powerful, one true and living God down to a slogan?

Media... powerful influence... and the government wonders why society behaves the way it does when they pass bills like legalising prostitution, same-sex partnerships and others... parents go about their lives not discipling children, trying to be friends with them and not wanting to "harm" them... And then they wonder why their kid is a dropout at school, a juvenile delinquent at the age of 16 who doesn't care about whether his folks end up at some nursing home...

Another friend of mine, Josiah, old school classmate went hunting for waffles the other day and as we stood in the cold in front of a shop, I made eye contact with this lady giving out tracks... She came over to us to ask us if were interested in this hare krishna yoga thingy... asking us to donate to them so that they can help out kids... cunning... don't pray for opportunities to arise, pray that you'll be prepared when they do were the echoes of my pastor's words... Anyway, we started preaching to her and she got all defensive and stuff and walked off with all her gear... God's word is powerful... I didn't really feel I did a good job though, was stuck a couple of times...

Anyway... I'm just wondering if Christians are more concerned about the starving child in Africa or the unreached people in the amazon jungle rather than the friends surrounding us daily, who need Jesus to change them just as much... We want to go on missions but daily we go by our lives, apathetic to the fact that there are hurting people in our own society who are going to hell... We as Christians have the answers and we're keeping silent, don't know how to share the gospel, pointing people to somewhere else to get answers, indifferent to the state the world is in, living secretly in sin, and not sharing God's agape love with others around us... And as some continue on to argue with pastors about doctrine, speaking in tongues, prosperity gospel, etc, there is a generation in need of something more than physical hungers and we aren't doing a lot... Now don't get me wrong, of course the devil will try to put guilt on you to say that you're not doing enough for Jesus and overwhelm you with condemnation... don't be deceived... Just do what you can as long as you're doing something... Instead of going to shopping malls, complaining you're too fat to fit into that outfit, complaning about bad food, aspiring to be someone famous, hanging out in cliques and wanting to get big houses and cars...

God's spirit moves when it wills, we can never organise "a time of healing" or "salvation rallies"... But let's not refuse to do the things God calls us to do no matter how small it may seem... I for one am guilty of being too shy of preaching in front of my heathen friends for fear that they will call me a hypocrite or a judgemental type... And you know what, sometimes, I share with them and some are quite open, some aren't, some are hostile but God deals with each one as He wills, don't be discouraged and keep on perservering in this faith... I'm still learning to set aside my pride and emotions... never try to win an argument, preach the word and don't underestimate the power of prayer... Although we're justified by Christ's blood and that his blood covers our sins so that God no longer sees us as deserving of eternal punishment, we're all still being sanctified daily and it's a process... I used to think pastors or church leaders were perfect people who are so "godly" and all... I tried to imitate them, play religious games in church, the sort where you say in your mind... oh, if he looks in my direction then I'll turn my life around... Stop it... Religion does not work... don't look towards people for morality...

Look towards the cross where the one and only perfect person in the world, took the punishment for sin on our behalf... His body was broken for our sake, gigantic spikes were pierced through his hands, a crown of thorns pressed down on his head, his flesh torn from his back and he was brutally beaten and wounded for our transgressions... And as he hung there on the cross for all the sins of the world, the same voice crying out in pain as his own creation nailed him to 2 wooden planks is that same voice crying out father forgive them for they know not what they do... Salvation is free, but don't enter heaven for selfish desire just because you want to escape hellfire... Share the good news with someone you know who needs it... Because there is nothing greater in this world than serving our King forever in eternity... There might be something in your life that might need cleaning up... and what you think is your freedom is the thing that is actually having you bound to sin... Jesus offers total freedom, I wouldn't trade that up for anything else...

Yeshua be Praised

Jordan...

If you're convicted by this entry, and you wish to know more about God's love for you or don't know Jesus as your personal Lord and Saviour... say this prayer, remember we're all family in the kingdom of God and there is no perfect church... Surround yourself with strong believers in the Bible and here's a website to get you started... http://www.calvaryftl.org/ Religion does not work, only a relationship with God does...

And if you're an atheist, you know there is a God, you're just denying it because you don't want to be accountable to someone of higher authourity... And what you think is your freedom is what is having you bound... You're bound by smoking, alcoholism, porn, shopping, etc... If you want to think we evolved from some primeordial soup and our ancestors are monkeys, where do you think society is going to end up... Our kids are being taught in schools that there is no difference bewteen them and a monkey... And you wonder why they behave like animals...

If you tell the kids they were fearfully and wonderfully made by the creator of the universe and that God has a plan for their lives, plans to prosper them and not to harm them... Kids are going to have a sense of direction in life, their life would mean something...

You know there is a God, stop trying to deny the fact and quit lying to yourself because you want to live life the way you please... I urge you to talk to someone and don't just pray this prayer privately... Jesus died publicly for your sins... the least you could do is confess him publicly as Lord and King to people who love and care for you... Please don't let this moment pass you by... Of course if I sound arrogant and petty, please forgive me, I do not want to sound that way... I love you and want to see yall in heaven someday... Please pray...

Dear Lord,

I recoginize that I'm a sinner and that I have broken your law... Please forgive me... I believe that Jesus Christ, the son of God died for my sins and that God raised him from the dead so that I could have eternal life... Come into my heart Lord Jesus, cleanse me from my sins, wash me with your blood, because today I give you my life... Thank you Father for this restored relationship I have with you, In Jesus name... Amen...

Remember, these aren't magic words... but if you prayed that prayer and meant it with all your heart, it means you are now saved... The next step is to hook yourself up with a bible-believing church and grow in God's word... get baptised and share with your Christian friends about your decision who will be more than happy for you... The Christian walk is not an easy one but it is the best one life can offer.... All of heaven is rejoicing because today, God found you and called you his own...

God bless you...

Happy Anniversary Dad and Mum

2007-12-30T17:52:00.000Z

To Dad and Mum on their 23rd anniversary on 29/12/07

I could have got you flowers
Plush cards or silver rings
But if there's no sincerity
Then gifts don't mean a thing

Instead to both of you I write
These verses to impart
Like this it's easier to express
The content of my heart

You brought me here into this earth
A child to call your own
Nursed and taught and sheltered me
Your house has been my home

As years went on we shared some laughs
Smiles etched in memory
Other times were not as smooth
A near catastrophe

Resentment's been a friend before
Implosive icy stares
My mind emotions oft have asked
If you did really care

And though it's taken quite a while
Through prayer I finally see
Two holy lives that still reflect
The Father's love for me

Two lives that celebrate today
Their anniversary...

Love Jordan

Why I said NO to the Hollywood job offer...

2007-12-26T11:10:00.000Z

Proverbs 14:12 - There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.
Proverbs 16:25 - There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.
Proverbs 19:21 - There are many devices in a man's heart; nevertheless the counsel of the LORD, that shall stand.
Proverbs 21:2 - Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the LORD pondereth the hearts
Proverbs 16:9 - A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps
Proverbs 16:2 - All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes; but the LORD weigheth the spirits.
Proverbs 16:1 - The preparations of the heart in man, and the answer of the tongue, is from the LORD
Proverbs 1:7 - The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Proverbs 15:33 - The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom; and before honour is humility.
Proverbs 3:5 - Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Proverbs 24:1 - Be not thou envious against evil men, neither desire to be with them.
Proverbs 4:14-15 - Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men. Avoid it, pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away.
Proverbs 15:9 - The way of the wicked is an abomination unto the LORD: but he loveth him that followeth after righteousness.
Proverbs 3:13-14 - Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding. For the merchandise of it is better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold.

Proverbs 8:10-11 - Receive my instruction, and not silver; and knowledge rather than choice gold. For wisdom is better than rubies; and all the things that may be desired are not to be compared to it.
Proverbs 15:16 - Better is little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and trouble therewith.
Proverbs 16:16 - How much better is it to get wisdom than gold! and to get understanding rather to be chosen than silver!
Proverbs 16:8 - Better is a little with righteousness than great revenues without right.
Proverbs 16:19 - Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud
Psalm 103:31 - I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.

Proverbs 27:1-2 - Boast not thyself of to morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth. Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips.
Mark 8:36 - For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
1 Corinthians 6:12 - All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

Proverbs 8:17-19 - I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me. Riches and honour are with me; yea, durable riches and righteousness. My fruit is better than gold, yea, than fine gold; and my revenue than choice silver.
Proverbs 11:28 - He that trusteth in his riches shall fall; but the righteous shall flourish as a branch.
Proverbs 13:13 - Whoso despiseth the word shall be destroyed: but he that feareth the commandment shall be rewarded.

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Romans 14:12 -So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.

Need God say more?

Check out this preacher...
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=8942395

Pornography Addiction in Churches (You're not the only one struggling)

2007-12-14T12:04:00.000Z

72 million people visit pornographic websites anually

47% of Christians say porn is a major problem at home

72% of men visit porn sites
50% of Christian men are addicted to porn
28% of women visit porn sites
20% of Christian women are addicted to porn
70% of teens have viewed pornography
51% of pastors struggle with pornography addiction

Average age of 1st internet exposure to pornography - 11 years old
Largest consumer of internet pornography - 12 to 17 age group
15 - 17 year olds having multiple hardcore exposures - 80%
8 - 16 year olds having viewed porn online - 90% (most while doing homework)
7 - 17 year olds who would freely give out home address - 29%
7 - 17 year olds who would freely give out email addresses - 14%
Children's cartoon characters linked to thousands of porn links - 26 (including pokemon and action man)

Men admitting to accessing porn at work - 20%
US adults who regularly visit internet porn sites - 40 million
Promise Keepers men who viewed porn in the last week - 53%
Adults admitting to internet sexual addiction - 10%

13% of women admit to accessing porn at work
70% of womem keep their cyber activities secret
17% of ALL women struggle with pornography addiction
Women, far more than men, are likely to act out their behaviours in real life, such as having multiple partners, casual sex, or affairs
Women favour chat rooms 2x's more than men
1 out of 3 visitors to adult website's are women
9.4 million women access adult websites each month

51% of you say porn is a temptation
69% of you started looking at porn out of curiosity
37% of you say it's currently a struggle
53% of you have visited porn sites in the past year
18% of you look at porn a couple of times a month
30% of you do not talk to anyone about your dirty little secret
4 in 10 of you looked at porn today

100% of you need accountability

Recovery can happen, marriages can be saved and families can come together.

Your first priority: Get someone to talk to. As they start to walk toward forgiveness, loved ones need to talk things out and develop their own forms of accountability.

Seek God: If you are not walking closely with the Lord right now, we encourage you to get back on the horse. Seek Him with all your heart. Your relationship with God is your lifeline. God will give you strength to love your spouse with Christ's love.

Don't condemn: Condemnation does not solve problems it elevates them. Most likely your reaction to the problem will be anger and condemnation. We encourage you to take a step back and let that anger find another outlet other than your loved one. Pray, call a friend, talk to your pastor. You by no means will be 100% perfect with this, but you must place yourself in a position to ward off the anger, as it will cause more division.

Show some love: Love may be the last thing you feel like showing your loved one right now. You're not a doormat for someone's porn problem. Adopt a "tough love" approach with your loved one. Set clear boundaries for behavior and consequences for breaking them.

Intervention: In some cases your loved one might be unwilling to admit to confront his/her dirty little secret. With some prayer and council from friends, family and pastoral care we suggest an intervention. An intervention is a big step to help cut the sin off at the knees.

Proverbs 28:13 - He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.

So why the post you ask?

Cause I'm still on the long hard road to total freedom and I want you to join me to victory in Jesus Christ if you're still struggling...

More testimonies here
http://www.porn-free.org/destruction_testimonials.htm
http://www.porn-free.org/freedom_testimonials.htm
http://xxxchurch.com/

A humbling experience...

2007-12-05T14:29:00.000Z

"You've handed in your composition assignment already?!?!?! When did you do it?"

"The same night it got assigned to us, finished it at 2am in the morning"

"Whoa, you're the man, etc... (other praises)"

I get that a lot from my friends at uni... Ever since I 1st started this course... And sometimes it really bugs me, but other times it makes me feel even prouder of myself... I start thinking "hey... maybe I am really good... hah! Take a look at me and what I can do!" All that kinda thing... and in this is all twined with sporadic mentions of what God is doing in my life and how He helps me that kinda stuff...

Wednesday 12am... Afro-Cuban Class...

The lecturer organizes everyone and as the class settles and we get ready to play another students' composition, he asks how people are getting along with their compositions... I handed mine in 1 week ago so I thought to myself, "ahhh, nice relaxing lesson for me" To my discomfort and sudden self-awareness in front of other classmates, the lecturer mentions how I handed my composition in and how I should get an A just for doing that... and then starts comparing me with other people... for about 8 minutes! Yea, it made me feel EXTREMELY awkward...

Questions and thoughts start racing round my mind... Why is he saying that? Oh my goodness, I need to get out of here now! Erm, are we going to play my composition? I dunno if it's up to standard... What will my friends think of me? Am I making them feel bad indirectly? Will they harbour grievances against me? My reputation is at stake! I've been in one of these situations before but never as embarrassing as this one!

It got worse... As the 1st student finished his piece, I thought to myself, wow, this guy has come along way since the day I met him in the 1st year... Next up, my turn... Uh-oh, can we not do this?

Looking at my score as I started to play the piano, I thought to myself, crap, I didn't revise this or scrutinise my own composition before I handed it in... Next thing you know, all the horns were out of sync, percussion seemed to play a lot more than I expected and I had trouble reading my own piano part!

GET ME OUT OF THIS CLASSROOM NOW!

In the periphery, I could feel the beady eyes of my friends staring at me... Jordan, you numbskull, you should have checked your work 1st before you handed it in and you shouldn't have been so cavalier about it... well, my world didn't come crashing down but the next thing that happened triggered a few light bulbs...

The lecturer looked at me... gulp...

"Looks like we have a lot of re-working and re-writing to do"

"erm, yes", I said sheepishly...

He turned to the class... come on, don't drag this out! Arghhh...

"How many weeks till the assignment due date?"

"2 weeks" someone right at the back of the class responded

He looked at me again...

"Ok, how about we pretend this never happened, you take your work back, re-work it then hand it in again"

"yea ok, thanx"

Light bulb 1: Whoa, talk about grace and mercy... From someone who isn't saved...

Light bulb 2: If someone like that can show me grace and mercy, how much more my heavenly Father up above in heaven? And should I respond to Him merely with a "yea ok, thanx"?

Light bulb 3: Failing does not make you a failure... What you do about it next, determines whether you will succeed...

Most of you who know me, know my musical capabilities, but let me share with you some bumps along the way...

I was born as a tone deaf kid, I never liked classical piano lessons, I strove with my dad about 8-9 years about whether to do jazz or classical music, my 1st experience performing in a talent show was a nightmare because sweat was pouring out my hands and my legs were shaking so much that I couldn't control the damper pedal, I've auditioned for the school chapel band and barely made it through the hymn in Ab they asked me to sight read because I couldn't play by chords, I've joined the Singapore Youth Training Orchestra but never made it to the main orchestra because I kept failing the assessments at the end of the semesters due to poor sight reading skills, I've failed music theory twice and barely scraped through the other theory and piano exams I did, once my cousin came over to my house to play Chopin and I had to play after him, embarrassing me in front of other relatives, my dad once told me I would never be able to make it as a professional if I kept on playing the way I did and he said that after I had practiced 6 hours a day for about 4 months, I remember struggling to keep a steady groove on the bass or drums in church, my bassoon teachers thought I wouldn't make it and I could sense that sometimes they nearly gave up on me, some jazz piano teacher at Guildhall never showed up for lessons and he said that I didn't practice as well so asked me not to blame him for not showing up, I was the worst musician in wind ensemble in Guildhall so no one would talk with me like a real friend and my lunchtimes were spent sitting alone eating home-made sandwiches in the toilet, I've had concerts in college where there would only be about 10 people in the audience, I've arranged terrible music for TV so that the guys in charge got someone else to do it instead, I've had arguments with the army band concert master, I've made major blunders in gigs, double-booked myself sometimes, gone really off key when singing, written some of the worst songs, recorded even worse demos, been ripped off by managers, had tussles with some band mates, failed to prove myself at many jam sessions, been stuck for composition and improvisational ideas, taught students poorly and I've been burnt out more than once before...

Today, I have perfect pitch, I play about 10 different instruments, all but 2 of them I learnt myself, I've been given a lower grade twice for my assignments because if I was given a higher grade, the standard for the rest of the cohort would have to be reviewed and bumped up (once with my piano teacher and the other time with my jazz lecturer), I consistently get asked to give music lessons and play with various bands, I have a vast musical experience playing with a variety of musicians in hotels, pubs, restaurants both in Singapore and UK (Check my CV and my grades in Uni) and now I can sense both my dad and my mum and my relatives respect me as a professional musician...

One thing I know for sure is that it's only by the grace of God and his hand, can I stand before the world and bless them with the gift Jesus has given me... Help me NEVER to forget that... The lesson today made me realise Jesus doesn't always expect a perfect performance in life from me, yea I still slip up, but I thank Him for His grace and mercy which is new every morning to give me more than just a 2nd chance... I serve a loving and wonderful Father... And all of God's people said...

Hymn by a former slave owner...

2007-11-28T00:36:00.000Z

O Thou who camest from above

The pure celestial fire to impart

Kindle a flame of sacred love

Upon the mean altar of my heart.

There let it for thy glory burn

With inextinguishable blaze

And trembling to its source return

In humble prayer and fervent praise.

Jesus, confirm my heart's desire

To work and speak and think for thee

Still let me guard the holy fire

And still stir up thy gift in me.

Ready for all thy perfect will

My acts of faith and love repeat

Till death thy endless mercies seal

And make my sacrifice complete.

Poison... 99% Good stuff...

2007-11-21T11:45:00.001Z

630pm... I slumped back in the upholstered chair situated at the balcony overlooking the stage of a well known bar in Leceister Sqaure... L was taking pictures... I peeked out the glass panels and thought to myself... I don't think I should be here... so much for the classy hotel restaurant I thought it would be where the diners would lean back and sip their champagne... I was wrong...

Downstairs the house band was already starting to warm up... Groovy bass riffs in A minor... I glanced at my watch... an another hour to go... hrmm... nothing new... been in that situation countless times before and anyway, soundcheck would fill up most of that time...

Just before L went to change, she introduced me to G... I put my guitar away and we started chatting on the black angular leather sofas... Talk about God and stuff... Relationships and all that kinda thing... heavy... "Dude, you wanna jam?" "Sure"

I was plonking out chords on the keys when the lead singer of the house band cut us off telling us we didn't look professional and asked us to get off the stage... Ok, we deserve that... G said he wanted to smoke... I didn't join him... I kept staring at the stage, nice set up, good mics, fantastic sound and you can hear yourself in the amps too... It got boring after waiting a while...

Just then, L arrived with some of her friends... Uh-oh... cleavage parade... I was actually more surprised that L was wearing a spagetti strap top... the little voice in my head whispered "keep your eyes in one direction J"... After the usual courtesies L asked if she could talk with me a while... I said ok and we went to the back on a couple of steel stairs...

"Do you want to pray 1st or should I?"
"I don't know, I could pray 1st..."

the voice in my head came back - "pray?!! I'm wondering if we are even glorifying God right now and you want to pray?!?!?!! And look at what you're wearing... I don't think either of us is supposed to be in this sin-saturated place anyway..."

I prayed... She prayed... I couldn't help but feel something was definitely wrong...
Anyway, I went back to the area where G and L's friends were... Come on, start the show already... I want to go back home... NOW...

Long story short... L opened the set and dotted a song with a reference to keeping God 1st in our lives... Judging from the looks on their faces I don't think the audience cared for that... God help us all...

I met H, who told me I was good on the keys and guitar... I thanked him and we started chatting... Oddly it was about church... He said he played in the bands at church and stuff...

Initial reaction: Ok, cool, I guess...

This is where it gets interesting...

H: Hey man, you should play for church man... Some of them pay well...
J: hrmmm, interesting...

voice in my head - um, where is this going exactly?

H: And some churches pay you like £100 per service man, it's good cash...
J: ignores H processing what to say...

voice in my head - ok, not going good...

H: I play for some churches and they pay from a range of £50-£100, the good ones pay you more though...
J: Don't some people say it's wrong to play in church?
H: Yea man... But hey, don't go to the churches that don't pay you... go to the ones that do... they are much cooler... and you can make a lot of money with your kind of talent man...
J: I got my own church man... pretty much there every Sunday... don't think I'll be playing around...
H: Dude, you're missing out on all the money you can make... and some churches got them nice girlies you know what i'm saying? *snickers* anyway... you know I got a couple of gigs coming up, you should go to them...
J: er yea... ok... *ignores the last statement due to shock*

voice in my head - I can't believe we're having this conversation! You go to church to get PAID?!?!?!!!!! since when did the HOUSE of the LIVING GOD get reduced to a MARKETPLACE??!?!!

I think to myself... The music was good, the sound system was great, no ear piercing feedback which hurt your teeth and the people were really friendly and came up to you and said hi... I go to some churches and there's a couple of singers who can't sing in key, the keyboard player can't play in time, the drummer slows down, the sound man keeps complaining about the guitarist who turns his amp on too loud and most people stay in their cliques...

Why is it when it comes to excellence, the world is striving for it? And the church sits back and says, it's all about the heart? ok, accepting people for who they are and what they can do is one thing, but there's a difference between acceptance and laziness... where you're accepted and you're not willing to push on to higher levels God is calling you to be at... I don't know... just thinking out loud here...

And in the 1st place, why on earth are the unsaved ushering people into God's presence? Because our OWN musicians aren't good enough?

And isn't ushering people into the holy of holies a really sacred job? Like the priests in the old testament who had to tie a string with bells to their ankle... so that if they got struck down dead when they displeased God somoneone could pull them out?

The state the world AND the church is coming to scares me...
mixing truth with poison...compromise...
A dangerous thing...
We're long due for a paradigm shift...

Holla back yall and tell me I'm not the only one disturbed by this...
And remind me to check where I'm playing before I actually do gigs...

Frustration

2007-11-18T18:59:00.000Z

What do you do when flowers don't work,
When words are inadequate
And hugs are cold?

What do you do when efforts aren't enough,
When reason sounds dumb
And kisses aren't warm?

What do you do when emotions run high,
When you're at a lost
And everything else you've tried fails?

Quit relying on myself
Be still and know
Jesus is God...

He didn't die for nothing...

2007-11-18T02:15:00.000Z

Sometimes I wonder...

Why we complain about the cold or heat when many people don't have the nerves to feel...

Why we complain about the bus being 5 minutes late so we can't go to watch a movie with our friends when many people die going to hell in transport accidents everyday...
Why we complain about our weight when many children starve to death their whole lives...

Why we complain about the lack of things in our bedroom when many people's homes get destroyed...

Why we hate our job when there are many homeless/jobless people on the street...

Why we complain about the zit that showed up on our face this morning when many people don't even recognize their own faces...

Why we complain about our parents when many kids on the street don't even have any...
Why we complain about our lecturers or assignments when many people don't even have the chance for an education...

Why we complain about our friends being mean to us when many people don't even have any...

Why we complain about boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife trouble when people out there don't even know the real meaning of feeling of true love...

I left the really graphic pictures out...

My Saviour didn't die for nothing... Let's think before we open our mouths...

Perishable Crowns - Why I quit wearing most of them...

2007-11-14T15:33:00.000Z

10am - check email
10.15am - check facebook account
10.30am - update blog
11.30am - check myspace account
12pm - check youtube account
2pm - check friendster updates
2.15pm - check hi5 account
2.30pm - check flickr account
2.40pm - update blog layouts
3.10pm - check videos on youtube
3.30pm - check friends' blogs
4.40pm - check email again
5.20pm - update status on facebook
5.30pm - check bebo updates
6.00pm - upload photos on blog
6.27pm - google chatbox html
7.00pm - sort out itunes music library
7.23pm - chat with people on msn messenger
8.35pm - send video links on youtube to friends
9.00pm - upload music on myspace
9.28pm - sort out photos in C drive
10.13pm - view profiles on friendster
10.48pm - create photo slideshow on rockyou
10.59pm - do personality tests on emode, tickle, quizilla etc
11.21pm - email personality tests to friends
11.37pm - comment on people's videos on youtube
11.44pm - check junk email
11.23pm - spam contacts on aol messenger
12.00am - update profile and status on myspace
12.45am - sort out links to friends' blogs
1.13am - spam friends' tagboards
1.45am - message people on yahoo messenger
2.12am - check facebook updates
2.29am - post video links on facebook
2.54am - check myspace blogs
3.00am - wrap up conversations on IMs and go to bed

Next day
10am - check email
10.15am - check facebook account
10.30am - ....

Souls won for Jesus Christ - ZERO
And we wonder why...
How sad...

Outcry

2007-11-13T01:00:00.000Z

Lord let now my faith elude me
In this generation
Where thoughts do yearn concern for those
In spiritual starvation

My heart cries out to thee, O God
For sheep whose way is lost
In one's eternal search for self
Spirit, may they find the cross

And though I claw and clamber through
The bittersweet blues of life
Jesus my hope and glory be
My prayers in thee suffice

Eye-Scream

2007-11-08T13:17:00.000Z

Perpetual cerebral attacks
Where bright and dark coagulate
The truth mixed with poison
Pulsating through my veins

Like David and Bathsheba
Uncontrolled lingering eyes
Words left unspoken
3 silent deaths each day

Existence of my tormented soul
Promises made then broken
Deceitful heart, ensnared by sin
I long freedom within

Temporary sweet sensation
But for a fleeting moment
Death is its end, yet I'm still here
Please Lord, kill my addiction

Faithful

2007-11-04T08:44:00.000Z

I miss the times we spent together
When we walked side by side
Now charred embers of a fire
Say my love for you has died

Remember joy and laughter?
A song that has long gone
The rhythm's syncopated
And the orchestration's wrong

How are you so faithful?
Can hearts take this much more?
Cause all I do is hurt you
Ever since times before

Yet you take my junk and make
A bond no one can sever
I'm held forever in loving arms
Of a once bruised and bleeding Saviour

B.I.B.L.E. - Basic instructions before leaving earth...

2007-10-23T12:07:00.000+01:00

Lord help me to stop sinning! You are divine! You paid for my sins!

I used to question the authenticity of the Bible... The Bible, made up of 66 books, penned by 40 different authors over thousands of years... is this a conspiracy? would people die for a conspiracy if Jesus was lying or if he was a lunatic? As I search for more evidence, I doubt that less... 300 prophecies all pointing towards one man and what He was to do... the message remains the same... Jesus Christ fulfilled ALL of them...

Prophecy About Jesus ...

Jesus fulfilled over 300 prophecies written at least 250 years before his birth. The chance of any one person fulfilling only 8 of these prophecies is 1 in 100,000,000,000,000,000 (1 in 10 to the 17th power). Even a skeptic should realize that's so improbable it must be supernatural. Now that is a very small number, lets see how small: Suppose we take 10 to the 17th silver dollars and lay them on the face of Texas; they will cover the entire state of Texas two feet thick. Now lets put an X on one of the silver dollars, mix them all up, and get a blind man to pick one. The chance that he will get the one with the X is 1 in 10 to the 17th power [McDowell, Evidence, pg 107]. Not only was His virgin birth foretold of, but also the details of His sufferings on the cross; His betrayal; His mock trial; the fact that He wouldn't speak any words to defend Himself; the gambling of the Roman guards to see who would take home His cloak; and how He was beaten in the face so badly you couldn't recognize Him. And a hundred other things too...

I used to think that the names were the most boring part of the Bible... Check this out and see what God can do! haha.. He amazes me everytime...

If the meanings of the names are put together, the message in the Bible is still the same... It's about Jesus... All these codes, taken from the Bible, no outside material, no Da Vinci code, no paintings, just the Bible, inspired by God himself...

Biblical Genealogy from Adam(Seth's line) to Jesus, the meaning of the names...

Adam - man
Seth - appointed
Enosh - mortal
Kenan - sorrow
Mahalalel - the blessed God
Jared - shall descend/shall come down
Enoch - teaching
Methuselah - his death shall bring
Lamech - the despairing
Noah - comfort/rest

Shem - fame (of)
Arphaxad - stronghold of Chaldees (Babylon)
Canaan - (and) sorrow
Shelah - send/extend
Eber - the region beyond/the other side
Peleg - (of) division
Reu - friend
Serug - branches out
Nahor - snorting/snoring/breathing hard
Terah - wandering

Abram/Abraham - The father of a great multitude
Isaac - laugh(s)
Jacob/Israel - takes the heel/outwits/a mighty one/righteous prince of God
Judah - praise
Perez - break(s) forth (into)
Hezron - court/village/enclosed area by a wall
Ram - elevated
Amminadab - (where) my noble people (are safe from)
Nahshon - sorcerer/false prophet
Salmon - clothed/reward
Boaz - in strength

Obed - servant
Jesse - there is
David - one well loved/beloved
Solomon - peaceful
Rehoboam - one who sets the people at liberty

Abijah - the Lord is my Father
Asa - healer
Jehosaphat - the Lord has judged
Jehoram - exalted by Jehovah
Ahaziah - seizure/held by Jehovah
Joash - the Lord is strong

Amaziah - the Lord is mighty

Uzziah - Jehovah has helped
Jotham - the Lord is perfect
Ahaz - He has grasped/took hold of
Hezekiah - strength of the Lord
Manasseh - causing to forget misery

Amon - the master builder
Josiah - whom the Lord healed
Jehoiakim - Jehovah raises up
Jeconiah - whom Jehovah appointed

Shealtiel - I have asked God
Pedaiah - (about) the ransomed
Zerubbabel - seed of Babylon

Abuid - my father is majestic
Eliakim - God will raise up
Azor - helper
Zadok - just/righteous
Akim - the Lord will raise up

Eliud - God is my praise
Eleazar - God is my helper

Matthan - (the) gift (of)
Jacob - Jacob
Joseph - increase
Jesus - God with us

Biblical geneaology of Adam to Jabal (Cain's line/ungodly line)

Adam - man
Cain - brought forth
Enoch - instructing
Irad - one running wild
Mehujael - smitten of God
Methushael - his death is of God
Lamech - despair
Jabal - overflows

By the way... there is a secret acrostic in the hebrew language... which reads...

Adam to Enoch - I will select
Irad to Methusael - peoples
Lamech to Jabal - for myself

Adam to Enosh - I will forgive
Kenan to Jared - my enemies,
Enoch to Lamech - having compassion,
Noah to Arphaxad - forgiving
Shelah to Reu - those of dust
Serug to Abram - a second time...

there's a lot more on google about equidistant letter sequences, Bible codes in the chinese language, KJV pictorial Bible codes but I suggest not reading too much about it because, we're supposed to show the love of God to others, not use the Bible to predict future events... The message remains the same throughout though... Jesus Christ died for your sins... will you accept Him as Lord and Saviour of your life today?

Dear Lord, I'm a sinner and I've sinned against you, I ask you now to forgive me of my sins and come into my heart. I want to start living right for you. I thank you for dying for me, I thank you for saving me, be the Lord of my life, in Jesus name. Amen.

If you prayed that prayed and meant it, you're now saved, the next step is to contact a bible believing church and grow in the faith... It won't be an easy walk, but God is there and He promised He would help you... God bless...

Prod

2007-10-22T12:06:00.000+01:00

Rhetoric

2007-10-12T12:17:00.000+01:00

How many times have we mentioned facebook to someone today?
Why do we all keep saying I'm fat?
Why do we all keep saying I'm busy?
Why do we all keep saying I'm tired?
Does the music you listen to hint at anything sexual?
How many times do we promise to pray for someone then go about doing our own business?
Can you really reach people for the kingdom when you go clubbing?
Why do we act so surprsied when someone get healed or when someone gets 'saved'?
Does money drive us?
Why do we celebrate death and wear dead people on their T-shirts?
Do we really have to spend that much time and money on our hair?
Do we really have to spend that much time and moeny on makeup?
Do we really have to spend that much time and money on clothes?
How many of us actually read our Bibles?
How many of us actually know the salvation plan?
Why do we watch Hollywood movies which promote everything ungodly?
Why do we mention the things we used to be and give glory to it before Jesus was our Lord and Saviour?
Why do we reply merely with 'cool' when someone tells us that someone has turned to Jesus?
Since when did gospel music become no longer reverent worship but a commodity?
Do we actually love our boss the way Jesus would want us to?
Do we feel angry because the person we hate has found Jesus and think they should go to hell instead?
How often do we mix world and kingdom principles?
Isn't the feeling of being seen as a pimp and that you're popular with girls somewhat shallow?
Isn't the feeling of being seen as unattenable cause you have high standards and no guy can get you somewhat shallow?
Do we follow the music stars and actors and actresses for fashion statements?
What's the last unselfish act of love you did for someone?
Do we watch pornography or read Jackie Collins romance novels when no one is looking?
Why do we watch Harry Potter or charmed when we wouldn't want any physical witch or wizard in our house chanting mantras?
How often do we criticize pastors for preaching prosperity?
How often do we criticize pastors for preaching too much about Pentecost, Lent, Easter, Christmas and not enough about day to day living?
How many of us sleep during prayer time?
How many of us sleep during sermons?
How many of us actually like going for prayer meetings?
How many of us prefer the fellowship rather than the message?
Do we take the worship team practice as just another regular jam session?
Why do we promote our businesses in the temple of God?
How often do we criticize the PA team for equipment that isn't working properly during service?
Do we really have to view who's viewed us in friendster?
Do our jokes about people poke fun at them as a person and not about the situation?
How many times have we called someone an idiot or a moron?
Are we really patient when we drive?
Do we have to check our reflection everytime the doors close in the MRT or Tube?
How often do we check our reflection as we walk by buildings with glass?
Is sleeping late really that good for us?
Do we indulge in food?
Are we addicted to computer games?
How many hours do we spend on your blog or someone else's?
Do we really give 10% or more to God?
How many of us actually have childlike faith?
Are we atheistic Christians, having the form of Godliness but denying it's power?
Is soccer really that important?
Are we too physical in a relationship?
Why do we go to arcades to escape from parents?
Why do we always complain about the weather?
Can you go a day without using your computer?
Are we thankful our partners are coming to us to complain instead of someone else?
Do we really appreciate our parents?
Do we really love our siblings?
How many of us think we can live our lives without help from our Christian siblings?
Do you see marriage as a life sentence?
Are we thankful our husbands and wives come to us for sex instead of someone else?
Why do we judge so much?
Why do we complain so much?
Are you having any thoughts right now as to whether the author of this post is attacking you, being judgemental and unloving?
How many of us are just going to go away after reading this post, going 'whatever' and carrying on with our lives?

Orh-ten-tee-see-tee

2007-09-20T00:12:00.001+01:00

WARNING - For what I am about to say, most of it is my personal testimony and in no way does it reflect your walk with God. The intent of this entry is to get people thinking, not condemned... please forgive me if it makes you feel that way...

I used to hate Joyce Meyer… My mum and my sis always ranted on about her messages. (They still do I guess). I used to hate that together with other preachers like Creflo Dollar, Kenneth Copland, Miles Monroe, etc… the list goes on. My dad would “force” us to have bible study and prayer sessions just before we were to go to bed. Nowadays he goes on about Chuck Misler. My brother (right picture) and I on the other hand, used to share a room and we would whine to each other about how we didn’t get enough “television, computer, board game, etc time”. And discuss why parents said “because I said so” or didn’t give you an explanation to the things they did.

As a naturally introverted person, I’ve been observing the world from a distance since I was 8. Being brought up in a Christian environment, you’re indoctrinated with basic Biblical principles but see a countless number of people in the church break them. And you wonder if Jesus Christ actually works… I’ve seen many “Christians” argue with, judge and condemn non-believers. And I’ve also seen these “Christians” smoke, drink, swear, steal, lie and live in sexual immorality. These are the people who raise their hands in worship to God on a Sunday and live for the world on the weekdays.

When I was younger the bad points in my family did not escape my scrutiny. How we could sing a worship song together on a weeknight then live in sin the next day puzzled me. I used to compare my family and Christian friends with Buddhists, Taoists, Hindus, etc… I often caught a glimpse of the life of non-believers and saw them to be more moral than friends and family who called themselves “Christians”. (I still do) The burning question within me was, “why do they have the right to judge me when they themselves are living in sin?”

I hate being called a hypocrite. I’m sure no one does. I know people are watching when I publicly declare my faith. Sin is so much more enticing. If I wasn’t born in a Christian home I would not know where I would be. I would be living for the world, sleeping around with random women, vandalising my enemies’ property, killing my siblings… Let’s face it… The heart of man is evil no matter how hard people to try to cover it up. Why then do I often think that some (not all) Christians pretend that they are holy and that the rest of the world isn’t?

I can only speak for myself... I think (I don't know about others) I was stuck in what I call “spiritual limbo”. (My pathetic attempt to sound like a preacher) I know and keep a few biblical principles but sin in the dark. I know that if I am ever caught I am going to be condemned by people in the church and it makes it worse for me. I want to share the gospel but my private life holds me back because I don’t want to preach the truth while living in sin. I don’t want to be viewed as the pious and uppity kind who judges believers or non-believers. But in thinking this way; I myself become a different type of judgemental Christian - the one that judges from the sidelines and lives in indifference. I needed help and discipleship. (I still do)

Growing up, I seldom found any REAL issues being talked about by preachers or what I consider to be real. I questioned the authenticity of the Christian life. Various examples - The sex addict who says the salvation prayer in a rally then reads his email and gives his desires in to a girl called Miss Naughty; the worship leader who rouses the congregation to an emotional high then smokes marijuana at a club later that night; the female usher who wears a low-cut top, showing her cleavage on purpose gain the attention of male adolescents as she collects the offering; the preacher who starts cussing the moment someone cuts him off when he drives his car home. How are we supposed to help them?

Sometimes I think I forget my duty as a Christian. In Matthew 28:19 Jesus says to go and make DISCIPLES of all the nations… somehow I've replaced that with go and make ‘converts’, condemn unbelievers and the believers living in sin, set-up evangelistic healing meetings, invite people to mega-worship sessions to get “saved”.

I keep thinking how one is supposed to grow spiritually when this is the impression I give to non-believers – “Jesus forgives my sins so I can sin now then repent later... I will keep on going for these worship concerts because it meets my musical interests and emotional needs, I sing because I like the melody, not the words... The preacher is like a comedian, that’s really one with entertainment value... I listen to him on a Sunday but hardly remember what he says when I go to work the next day... Sometimes I use his words to condemn other people. It's like a take "this verse and call me in the morning" doctor's prescription attitude I have... If the sermon ever gets boring I pass notes and text people during the message or prayer time... I love getting involved in any church ministry because it's my chance to become a superstar. I pretend to be humble saying it's all about God when I know deep down inside my heart I enjoy every moment of the attention I'm getting. I like books, TV programs and computer games that hint at promiscuity, gossip, violence, drugs and I condition my mind to think that it's ok to watch these as long as I don't engage in these activities. They help me escape to a different reality. Talk about God? It’s less engaging than something like sex, romance novels or papers and programs about celebrity gossip or how much they weigh. What do you mean by quiet time? I want my own time so I can check my facebook account, blog and chat rooms to talk about the cute guy or girl whose gaze met mine at HMV. If I get desperate, I pray for God to give me a boy or girlfriend then I put suggestive photos of myself in internet display pictures and constantly check who's 'viewed' me. I also go for parties and take random shots of friends and post them online, fantasizing about the possibility of building a life with the various people in those photos. My quiet time involves asking God to give me a verse and then I randomly open my Bible to any page and read whatever suits me. Psalms keeps popping up since it's in the middle of my Bible. In fact, what I consider to be my true quiet time is shopping for designer outfits, jewellery, cars, shoes and hair products. My parents? I hardly love or like them, I do obey them on occasion because the Bible says to do so but I do it grudgingly. I fight with my siblings in petty arguments then go out drinking and gambling (mahjong) with my believer friends the same night and share with each other how wonderful God has been in my life. I abhor the tele-evangelists who pump me up about claiming my spiritual (money) blessing or healing because I doubt the reality of it. Instead I go to fortune tellers or read daily horoscopes about what's going to happen tomorrow because I worry a lot about what usually never happens. My non-Christian friends? I enjoy their company, it’s the only time I can talk and be myself, being lascivious and not caring what they think of me because they don’t condemn me for my actions. We get more excited about who won the world cup than any talk about Jesus. I act like I’m a good person on Sundays because I want to uphold my reputation amongst the older generation of church uncles and aunties who think I’m a good kid. Yet I go back to my room the same day and watch pornography while smoking and trample on the head of Jesus Christ. I hate studying, it's mindless information you forget at the end of an exam, I ask God to give me good grades so that my parents won't nag at me. I often see myself as 'misunderstood'. My job? I work so that I can spend money I don't have on material things I don't need to impress the people I don't like. I pray for my boss to give me a bonus and harbour secret grievances against him. I know all the 'correct' answers to questions like 'If there is a God, why is there so much suffering?' I reduce my prayer life to “Lord thank you for this food, lord gimme this and that but forgive me when I forget to thank you or if I even remember to”. I go to church mainly for the fact that after I have lived in the world long enough and am tired of it, I can find a suitable spouse there. When I'm late for church I give the excuse that God understands why I was late... Oh yes, I also learn spiritual technical jargon impress new believers and try to 'sell Christianity' to them. I have the refrigerator magnets, Christian books and posters in my room too in case they want any. I go to church because I can get business deals there and contact cards. Nice to see the latest hillsongs cds and other books out... I reduce the temple of the living God to a marketplace... I try to disguise Christianity and pretend that I'm reaching people for God when I go to the club or invite unbelievers to Christian rock and rap concerts. The truth is I want to mix the riches of this world with the benefits of God's kingdom.”

Want me to continue? I do not know how many of us are living like that... I plead guilty to doing many of the things I have mentioned in that last paragraph... Whether minor or major, sin is sin. What difference do I see in my Christian life and the non-Christian one? None. How can I preach that kinda life to a non-believer?

Yet I feel the Holy Spirit telling me that although I don’t say out loud to people what I think is wrong, I judge them with my heart. No, I do not hear an audible voice booming from the heavens. Once I heard from Bob Coy, a televangelist, “Christianity is the only ‘religion’ that shoots its wounded.” I think I was too busy being caught up with pinpointing (inwardly and outwardly) other people’s sins when some of them already feel condemned. Yes, I have judged Joyce Meyer, Kenneth Copland, Benny Hinn and other preachers by their sin. And I forget that they are directing people to Jesus despite the fact that they may have other flaws which they need God to help them with. Inspite of this, millions are still hearing the gospel, they are winning souls for the kingdom of God. What am I doing?

So despite my experiences with disappointment with the faith, what have I decided to do? I can only speak for myself... I have realised that God convicted me of inwardly judging people. My family falls, they are human, and I cannot expect them to be perfect then judge them on their imperfection. I have realised that He knows that people are living in sin in this Christian faith but at least they are trying to aspire to holiness, what am I doing? Not even trying. Sometimes in my rational mind I reduce God to a smidgen of cheese on toast. I wonder how he can forgive me if I sin wilfully when I proclaim the knowledge of truth. And I forget that not only is He all-powerful, He is the epitome of love. For while we were yet sinners, Christ died for our sins. What does God’s son, Jesus, dying on the cross mean to me? I realise that God knows I can’t reach sinless perfection, but I can aspire to it instead of giving up and becoming judgemental and indifferent; looking toward Jesus instead of sinful and finite human beings.

And I was never meant to walk this Christian life alone. The church is not a building you go to or invite people to on a Sunday to get them saved. It’s the body of Christ. And as one body, we’re supposed to build each other up in faith, truth and love. Discipleship. My eyes have been opened to a new reality. On hearing Ravi Zacharais preach… We live in a time where man has created boredom out of his own affluence, impotence out of his own erotomania and vulnerability out of his own strength.

I recently left Singapore to study in London, indifferent to the faith I grew up in, trying at times to search for the deeper meaning behind my faith and failing. There was once I broke 8 out of the 10 commandments in a single day yet I felt nothing. I cannot explain spiritual things in the physical realm but it was at my lowest point that God made Himself known. Lying on the bed of my pastor’s room, in the midst of sin and darkness, I decided to confess all my sins that night. My pastor now disciples me of which to God I’m thankful. He does not condemn me but builds me in faith through the relationship I have with him. Many people think Christianity is a religion (I’m sounding cliché). It’s a relationship with God and it takes 2 sides to make it work. And in any relationship, it’s a journey of ups and downs. (I wonder how many of us could compete with Paul for the title 'cheif of sinners') I’m so thankful to Jesus that He didn’t give up on me. No matter how much I’ve sinned, His love extends further than I can imagine. Yes I still slip up, but Christ is changing me from glory to glory and I’m amazed He still forgives me. I find it amusing that the name of the church I go to is Oasis of Life. In the parched desert of life, I’ve found my Midian. I’ll leave you to picture the deeper meaning behind that and the Moses story on your own.

Now I see what the world is coming to when I look through the eyes of Jesus Christ. There is violence on the streets, school children no longer having any sense of respect; I was caught in one of their riots. I see the bus, street ads and computer games portraying various levels of sex, drugs and violence. Christians are living promiscuously, listening and discussing rap, pop and hip-hop artists talking about stuff too vivid to mention on this page. Some of the children's cartoons depict evil and sometimes even sexual connotations. I can’t judge anyone, it’s not my place although I sometimes feel I am. I find difficulty in drawing the line between judging and building people up in truth and love. My feet have simultaneously seemed to be in the pool of good and the pool of evil many points of time in my life. Yet God still forgave me when I came to true repentance. He can forgive you too. That’s the depth of his love for his creation. Jesus loves you. He died for you.

But sometimes I wonder if we are a “Christian” generation devoid of a moral conscience and I imagine my Creator, Saviour and Lord… Broken-hearted by the deeds of His creation, His face streaked with tears….