Hymn by a former slave owner...

O Thou who camest from above

The pure celestial fire to impart

Kindle a flame of sacred love

Upon the mean altar of my heart.

There let it for thy glory burn

With inextinguishable blaze

And trembling to its source return

In humble prayer and fervent praise.

Jesus, confirm my heart's desire

To work and speak and think for thee

Still let me guard the holy fire

And still stir up thy gift in me.

Ready for all thy perfect will

My acts of faith and love repeat

Till death thy endless mercies seal

And make my sacrifice complete.

Poison... 99% Good stuff...

630pm... I slumped back in the upholstered chair situated at the balcony overlooking the stage of a well known bar in Leceister Sqaure... L was taking pictures... I peeked out the glass panels and thought to myself... I don't think I should be here... so much for the classy hotel restaurant I thought it would be where the diners would lean back and sip their champagne... I was wrong...

Downstairs the house band was already starting to warm up... Groovy bass riffs in A minor... I glanced at my watch... an another hour to go... hrmm... nothing new... been in that situation countless times before and anyway, soundcheck would fill up most of that time...

Just before L went to change, she introduced me to G... I put my guitar away and we started chatting on the black angular leather sofas... Talk about God and stuff... Relationships and all that kinda thing... heavy... "Dude, you wanna jam?" "Sure"

I was plonking out chords on the keys when the lead singer of the house band cut us off telling us we didn't look professional and asked us to get off the stage... Ok, we deserve that... G said he wanted to smoke... I didn't join him... I kept staring at the stage, nice set up, good mics, fantastic sound and you can hear yourself in the amps too... It got boring after waiting a while...

Just then, L arrived with some of her friends... Uh-oh... cleavage parade... I was actually more surprised that L was wearing a spagetti strap top... the little voice in my head whispered "keep your eyes in one direction J"... After the usual courtesies L asked if she could talk with me a while... I said ok and we went to the back on a couple of steel stairs...

"Do you want to pray 1st or should I?"
"I don't know, I could pray 1st..."

the voice in my head came back - "pray?!! I'm wondering if we are even glorifying God right now and you want to pray?!?!?!! And look at what you're wearing... I don't think either of us is supposed to be in this sin-saturated place anyway..."

I prayed... She prayed... I couldn't help but feel something was definitely wrong...
Anyway, I went back to the area where G and L's friends were... Come on, start the show already... I want to go back home... NOW...

Long story short... L opened the set and dotted a song with a reference to keeping God 1st in our lives... Judging from the looks on their faces I don't think the audience cared for that... God help us all...

I met H, who told me I was good on the keys and guitar... I thanked him and we started chatting... Oddly it was about church... He said he played in the bands at church and stuff...

Initial reaction: Ok, cool, I guess...

This is where it gets interesting...

H: Hey man, you should play for church man... Some of them pay well...
J: hrmmm, interesting...

voice in my head - um, where is this going exactly?

H: And some churches pay you like £100 per service man, it's good cash...
J: ignores H processing what to say...

voice in my head - ok, not going good...

H: I play for some churches and they pay from a range of £50-£100, the good ones pay you more though...
J: Don't some people say it's wrong to play in church?
H: Yea man... But hey, don't go to the churches that don't pay you... go to the ones that do... they are much cooler... and you can make a lot of money with your kind of talent man...
J: I got my own church man... pretty much there every Sunday... don't think I'll be playing around...
H: Dude, you're missing out on all the money you can make... and some churches got them nice girlies you know what i'm saying? *snickers* anyway... you know I got a couple of gigs coming up, you should go to them...
J: er yea... ok... *ignores the last statement due to shock*

voice in my head - I can't believe we're having this conversation! You go to church to get PAID?!?!?!!!!! since when did the HOUSE of the LIVING GOD get reduced to a MARKETPLACE??!?!!

I think to myself... The music was good, the sound system was great, no ear piercing feedback which hurt your teeth and the people were really friendly and came up to you and said hi... I go to some churches and there's a couple of singers who can't sing in key, the keyboard player can't play in time, the drummer slows down, the sound man keeps complaining about the guitarist who turns his amp on too loud and most people stay in their cliques...

Why is it when it comes to excellence, the world is striving for it? And the church sits back and says, it's all about the heart? ok, accepting people for who they are and what they can do is one thing, but there's a difference between acceptance and laziness... where you're accepted and you're not willing to push on to higher levels God is calling you to be at... I don't know... just thinking out loud here...

And in the 1st place, why on earth are the unsaved ushering people into God's presence? Because our OWN musicians aren't good enough?

And isn't ushering people into the holy of holies a really sacred job? Like the priests in the old testament who had to tie a string with bells to their ankle... so that if they got struck down dead when they displeased God somoneone could pull them out?

The state the world AND the church is coming to scares me...
mixing truth with poison...compromise...
A dangerous thing...
We're long due for a paradigm shift...

Holla back yall and tell me I'm not the only one disturbed by this...
And remind me to check where I'm playing before I actually do gigs...

Frustration

What do you do when flowers don't work,
When words are inadequate
And hugs are cold?

What do you do when efforts aren't enough,
When reason sounds dumb
And kisses aren't warm?

What do you do when emotions run high,
When you're at a lost
And everything else you've tried fails?

Quit relying on myself
Be still and know
Jesus is God...

He didn't die for nothing...

Sometimes I wonder...

Why we complain about the cold or heat when many people don't have the nerves to feel...

Why we complain about the bus being 5 minutes late so we can't go to watch a movie with our friends when many people die going to hell in transport accidents everyday...
Why we complain about our weight when many children starve to death their whole lives...

Why we complain about the lack of things in our bedroom when many people's homes get destroyed...

Why we hate our job when there are many homeless/jobless people on the street...

Why we complain about the zit that showed up on our face this morning when many people don't even recognize their own faces...

Why we complain about our parents when many kids on the street don't even have any...
Why we complain about our lecturers or assignments when many people don't even have the chance for an education...

Why we complain about our friends being mean to us when many people don't even have any...

Why we complain about boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife trouble when people out there don't even know the real meaning of feeling of true love...

I left the really graphic pictures out...

My Saviour didn't die for nothing... Let's think before we open our mouths...

Perishable Crowns - Why I quit wearing most of them...

10am - check email
10.15am - check facebook account
10.30am - update blog
11.30am - check myspace account
12pm - check youtube account
2pm - check friendster updates
2.15pm - check hi5 account
2.30pm - check flickr account
2.40pm - update blog layouts
3.10pm - check videos on youtube
3.30pm - check friends' blogs
4.40pm - check email again
5.20pm - update status on facebook
5.30pm - check bebo updates
6.00pm - upload photos on blog
6.27pm - google chatbox html
7.00pm - sort out itunes music library
7.23pm - chat with people on msn messenger
8.35pm - send video links on youtube to friends
9.00pm - upload music on myspace
9.28pm - sort out photos in C drive
10.13pm - view profiles on friendster
10.48pm - create photo slideshow on rockyou
10.59pm - do personality tests on emode, tickle, quizilla etc
11.21pm - email personality tests to friends
11.37pm - comment on people's videos on youtube
11.44pm - check junk email
11.23pm - spam contacts on aol messenger
12.00am - update profile and status on myspace
12.45am - sort out links to friends' blogs
1.13am - spam friends' tagboards
1.45am - message people on yahoo messenger
2.12am - check facebook updates
2.29am - post video links on facebook
2.54am - check myspace blogs
3.00am - wrap up conversations on IMs and go to bed

Next day
10am - check email
10.15am - check facebook account
10.30am - ....

Souls won for Jesus Christ - ZERO
And we wonder why...
How sad...

Outcry

Lord let now my faith elude me
In this generation
Where thoughts do yearn concern for those
In spiritual starvation

My heart cries out to thee, O God
For sheep whose way is lost
In one's eternal search for self
Spirit, may they find the cross

And though I claw and clamber through
The bittersweet blues of life
Jesus my hope and glory be
My prayers in thee suffice

Eye-Scream

Perpetual cerebral attacks
Where bright and dark coagulate
The truth mixed with poison
Pulsating through my veins

Like David and Bathsheba
Uncontrolled lingering eyes
Words left unspoken
3 silent deaths each day

Existence of my tormented soul
Promises made then broken
Deceitful heart, ensnared by sin
I long freedom within

Temporary sweet sensation
But for a fleeting moment
Death is its end, yet I'm still here
Please Lord, kill my addiction

Faithful

I miss the times we spent together
When we walked side by side
Now charred embers of a fire
Say my love for you has died

Remember joy and laughter?
A song that has long gone
The rhythm's syncopated
And the orchestration's wrong

How are you so faithful?
Can hearts take this much more?
Cause all I do is hurt you
Ever since times before

Yet you take my junk and make
A bond no one can sever
I'm held forever in loving arms
Of a once bruised and bleeding Saviour