Talk is Cheap, Actions are Deep

Darker days grow ahead as the morality of this world is being turned upside down... Sin is becoming the norm and there is a blurred line between right and wrong... Some Christians are living in ignorance and apathy and don't want to fight the spiritual battle we were all called to do... Some bored by long and tedious sermons, wanting to get caught up solely with fun church activities like a BBQ or sports session... missing important prayer and bible study meetings... Sometimes fights happen inside the church, the place where sacrificial love and forgiveness are supposed to be most present... Disputes about traditions, methods, doctrine, music, etc... They take away the focus from what our real purpose is... Non-Christian spectators observe everything going on within the church and are left confused and hurt, wanting to disassociate themselves with anyone who calls himself 'Christian'... Tired of countless arguments like, 'Does God exist?', 'Why is there suffering if there is a loving God?', 'Are morals absolute?'... Each side not listening to another...

I've found that a lot of the Christians who have grown up in the church, including myself, have had this 'I am saved, therefore I most know everything' kind of attitude... It only breeds disgust from many who are unsaved... 1st of all, I don't know it all, I'm still learning and I must check out whether everything I hear is true... Like the Bereans in Acts 17... check out everything from BOTH sides... both Non-Christians and Christians don't bother to do that a lot of the time... They seem to be stuck in their way of life, the way that works for them...

I've had some uncomfortable experiences with both Christians and non-Christians... One would be the time where I decided in my head and heart that I knew it all and had this verbal sparring with a non-Christian and of course, God humbled me, I didn't know the answers to some of the questions... I checked it out afterwards though and realised that there were lots of things that I hadn't learnt. Another time was when I was sharing these experiences with various Christian brothers, one was a pastor... They however, would just shake their heads and contort their faces in unbelief and I could see that it was written on their face the 'How can they (non-Christians) be so stupid, I don't want to listen to this nonsense' kinda look... And they gave a sort of snort of disgust after I shared my experiences with them... In my head I'm like 'Come on man, they are not saved, obviously they won't know about moral absolutes and God's law so why the look?' I guess their reaction took me by surprise, especially with all this talk about loving the lost wherever we go...

So I questioned myself... What happened to a heart of compassion that Christians are supposed to have? Where is the love of God within a Christian that would want to see this soul saved and answer him in a meek and gentle spirit? Why are we segregating ourselves from the very people we are supposed to reach out to? I also questioned the non-Christian's viewpoint... Just because a Christian disrespects and hurts you, you are going deny a God? Aren't Christians human too? NONE of them are perfect, so why judge God based on the bad experiences of his representers? Why base your own salvation on that? All the questions could go on forever... None of them are conclusive so please refrain from emailing me with points that I might have missed out... XD

I watch movies about how missionaries go to the Amazon and sacrifice their lives for the gospel... Just with one powerful sentence when they were asked, 'Are you going to use the guns if the natives try to kill you?' And their response, 'We are ready for heaven, they aren't'... 5 of them died by the hands of the Waudani tribe... And today, the Waudani tribe is taking the gospel to its own people... And then I wonder why a lot of us complain about Sunday sermon being too long so that we can't have lunch... I wonder why we complain when a preacher prays too long about the very people who need God the most... I wonder why I was so selfish being a Christian from birth, maybe it's because I've never really experience extreme suffering at all... maybe suffering helps a person realise the value of life, the basic needs and all that stuff... Sure I got the times where I had fights with my family, fallouts with friends, but today I'm here living better than most of the people in the world... Why should I complain about my situation and how no one understands me? Why should I worry about my tomorrows when God has taken care of everything... Shouldn't I be more compassionate about those around me who are not as fortunate? Shouldn't I be more loving towards those who hurt me and call me stereotypical names like 'hypocrite'? Shouldn't I forgive them for what they say and bless them?

When I stop focusing on myself, I put God and others 1st, then I'll be able to see the change... Too many times, Christians want to change people's behaviours straight away... They see it more like a mission to be accomplished, they view the person more as an object to process rather than a human who need compassion, rather than a lost soul and wandering spirit, in need of the creator's love...

Let go, Let God...

When I was a teenager, my dreams were big... I wanted to be a superstar... I wanted everyone to look at me and see how great I was... How I could go against Singaporean society and stereotypical asian mentality and rise above the norm to acheive something greater than anyone from my background ever did... In short, it was all about me, what I was, what I could do, what I was all about... I, I, I, me, Me, ME...

So I worked for it, worked on my image, worked on my talent, worked on the things I was good at... And for a few years, it got me where I wanted to be... I could prove my family wrong about me, I could live a high life that I wasn't living when I was a nerd in school, it got me a few extra bucks too... doing a few gigs in hotels and restaurants, etc... And though I wasn't even close to believing it in the early stages, my dreams were starting to become a reality...

I finally went to study a Jazz degree in UK, got a 1st class, was the leader of a big band, interviewed at a radio station, got a £1000 merit award, played with some big names, toured to Scotland and even got a Hollywood offer, would be in L.A. for 6 months, everything paid for...

Yet I look at my life now and realise that all those things never satisfied... It's strange but the happiest moments in my life weren't performing in front of a large audience, getting interviewed on radio and it was definitely not a Hollywood job offer.

I can't remember what was the largest number of people I played too, I've forgotten a lot of songs I've written, I don't remember the number of bands I was in and certainly don't remember some big names I've played with.

I do remember vividly the joy I had when I was growing up with my brother, the relationships that were built in church back in Singapore, the friends from church camp, the seniors who helped my grow in the ACS chapel band, the many friends who supported me when I was in the dumps, even more friends in SYFC whom I had a great chance to hang out with and share loads with. The countless chinese dinner makan sessions with my aunts, uncles and cousins. And certainly it was the time when my girlfriend accepted Jesus into her heart to become Lord and Saviour of her life... on 6th July, 2 more days... I had more joy confessing to God that I had to live right and stop playing religious games... I had more joy being and serving alongside members of a loving Zimbabwean church in London... I had more joy when I was listening to online sermons instead of playing online games, I had more joy writing meaningful poetry rather than cool riffs and licks... I seem to have forgotten about that in the last few months...

So right now at the crossroads in my life, going on to complete a Masters, I am wondering where life's road will lead... As I ponder about my future, God keeps reminding me of how shallow human wisdom is... And as I look at the other people around me in my university and professional life strive for fame and fortune, the things they would do to get what they want, the things they have done, I wonder if in the end it's all really worth it... I take a huge step back and it makes me think if I'm just using people to get what I want and where I want to be... Am I that selfish and shallow? I would like to think not, although truth seems to point otherwise...

There have been many opportunities knocking at my door... It's definitely tempting to accept everyone I get... And a lot of people have encouraged me with seemingly "good" intentions... Something however is pulling me back, it's probably the Holy Spirit inside of me, guiding me although rarely been listening to him... Why do I strive for things that will fade when this world passes away? Wasn't there something in the Bible about storing up your treasures in heaven? Once you have a acheived everything you want to in life, will you be truly happy?

As I reflect on the constant stream of questions pouring out from within me I realise that a lot of people are happy, but they don't have JOY... the kinda joy that makes you feel mmm... I can't describe it... I've experienced that kinda joy before, I want it again... It is so easy to backslide and strive for the things your heart desires...

I guess I'm reminded of how God didn't make us to be isolated individuals focusing on ourselves... cos then it would be all about pride and self-worship, saying God I don't need you, the thing the devil and his minions want... But God made us so that we could have a loving relationship with Him through his son, Jesus Christ... It's all about relationships... I found more joy working on relationships rather than working on myself... so in the end it's not about ME, it's about being unselfish, serving others and being faithful to a loving Father... Just as much as he always is and has been faithful and has a special plan for my life... Which we can all find out about if we let go of our selfish ambitions and let God be the centre of of lives and rule our hearts with his divine love...

Jesus, please restore the years that were wasted and help me to serve you willingly without complaining for perfect love casts out all fear. May my life be used as you wish, forgetting about me, caring about others around me more... And please guard my heart so I do not serve out of selfishness and greed for treasures in heaven, create in me a clean heart, pure, holy and acceptable in your sight... I want to win souls for your kingdom... how I do not know, but I trust in you and I know you will guide me and be right beside me all the way till your kingdom come. I commit all of my life into your hands... In your name I pray, Amen...

Pastor Joe Wright's Prayer

Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and seek your direction and guidance. We know your Word says, "Woe to those who call evil good," but that's exactly what we've done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and inverted our values.

We confess that we have ridiculed the absolute truth of your Word and called it moral pluralism. We have worshipped other gods and called it multi-culturalism.
We have endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle.
We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.
We have neglected the needy and called it self-preservation.
We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.
We have killed our unborn and called it choice.
We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.
We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building esteem.
We have abused power and called it political savvy.
We have coveted our neighbors' possessions and called it ambition.
We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our fore-fathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us O God and know our hearts today; try us and see if there be some wicked way in us; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Guide and bless these men and women who have been sent here by the people of Kansas, and who have been ordained by you, to govern this great state. Grant them your wisdom to rule and may their decisions direct us to the center of your will. I ask it in the name of your son, the living savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Hand of God

Had a mad trip to Ireland on Saturday... Was supposed to go with my friend Skippo to an evangelistic event... 5 of us going, Skippo(drums), Tinu(singer), Olmo(saxophone), Bambo(bass) and me(piano)... 4 of us were supposed to meet at Tottenham Hale Rail Station and Skippo would meet us at the airport... I woke at 7am at dragged my sleepy feet to the tube station and halfway during the journey to the meeting place I discover that I had left my passport back at my place... gah... took the train back and then took a cab to my halls to grab the passport and headed towards the station... Skippo called from the airport 5 min before I arrived at Tottenham Hale...

Tinu was there already calling Olmo and Bambo trying to find out where they were... Our check-in time was supposed to be around 11am and we were going to miss the 9.07 fast train... I had to grab some cash but the cash machine wasn't working so I paid for the train ticket with my debit card... Tinu and me decided to get some breakfast at KFC since the guys hadn't showed up yet and the next train was 9.22 fast train... KFC was closed so we went to Burger King and they didn't accept cash there, I placed my order and ran across the road to the nearby petrol kiosk cash machine... ran back and Tinu said that the other guys were here so we had to leave... it was 9:18... had to leave my breakfast at Burger King... Met up with the other guys and Olmo said he had forgotten his passport... we had to decide in about 3 minutes what to do and whether he was going on the plane or whether he still had time to rush back then go to the airport... We took his saxophone and music stand though...

Tinu, Bambo and me met Skippo at Stanstead airport... Skippo and Tinu were on one flight and the rest of us were on another, apparently there was some mix up with the planes... Bambo and me checked in 1st, had a slight hiccup with the metal saxophone and music stand but it worked out, it went on Skippo's flight instead... Skippo was trying to call Olmo... This was about 1030am... Me and Bambo headed towards the departure gates 1st... Skippo and Tinu were still outside waiting but Olmo didn't show... So we all met up near the lounge area...

So anyway, here we are about to leave London and Skippo's phone dies... He was the only one with Olmo's number... I had the old ones... tried calling them but got one of Olmo's friends... Skippo and Tinu head towards the final departure gates... Me and Bambo followe... Skippo found a power supply near the water cooler, so he managed to get in touch with Olmo... This was about 1128... The boarding gates closed at 1130am... 1129, Olmo comes shooting down the walkway, panting for breath... How he managed with the tube closures, I don't know... He was supposed to be able to take a straight train down to where he lived, but he had to change trains 3 times... End of story? Nope, just the beginning...

So we went to Ireland, seperate flights, got picked up by this woman, very nice but didn't know where she was going... so after driving round about the roundabout 3 times, we got dizzy and just followed some road blindly... Olmo calls Skippo and Tinu to find out where the venue was and how we were supposed to get there... Skippo said he was already at the venue but had to go back to the airport because he left his bag in the plane with all his drumsticks and books etc...

We arrived at the venue and there was some mix up with the rooms so we didn't get one to rest in at the end... so we lounged around the hotel... 4 of us waiting for a reply from Skippo... sound check was at 330pm... Skippo still hadn't arrived by 3:15... And we couldn't call him either because his phone was dead!!!

3.20pm Skippo shows up and he says that the plane had left for Paris and would be back later that night... So he had to get new drumsticks... We had sound check with was horrendous cause nobody on stage could hear what we were playing... Had the actual performance and had to play some songs I didn't know at all... Oh well... Another lady comes up and tells us that 2 of the band members from the other act hadn't showed up so we had to cover for them... The other thing, our 9pm flight got cancelled and moved to 7pm so we had to leave early... we went on stage again for another performance and this guy shows up telling us that our flight had been moved to 11pm... so we sat and waited for a bit... then he comes back again saying that we have to go now cause it got shifted again... So we had about half an hour to get to the airport...

We arrived there at 8pm and started checking in, Skippo found his bag at the lost and found... amazing... it has Tinu's shoes in there as well... Anyway, we headed towards the boarding gates... Grabbed a few Burger King bites and started gobbling down our food... The security guy told us we had time so we chilled out a bit... at 8.30pm we headed towards the plane... and we heard FINAL CALL for our flight... so all 5 of us started running... it was really funny... what a day... managed to catch our flight...

There's more... we landed at Luton Airport and tried calling a cab but the 1st one didn't want to pick us up cause we were over the passenger limit... we called a 7 seater instead and the cab driver was something else... after arguing about the price... which was like £100... insane... we had to drop Olmo off 1st in Central London and then all of us around North London... He wasted A LOT of time playing with the sat nav... gah... and he turned right when the sign said NO RIGHT TURN... Then he travelled from the North West down to Central and the back up to North East... I got back home in one piece though and so did the rest... Was about 1.15 in the morning, I plonked myself on the bed and went to sleep... Wonder what kinda of adventures God has in store for me next... That was fun test of faith...

Reality