It's not fair...

It was not until I arrived back in Singapore that I realised my world and hers were different... I look back with hindsight the family's love that was showered upon me and that was yet taken for granted... I looked back at how God had blessed me with countless opportunities, directing my steps, reassuring me that he was there every waking and sleeping moment in my life... I look back at the friends he provided me with and the relationships that were strengthen by close fellowship. Friends and family who would look out for me whenever I was in trouble... I look back at God's provision... food, shelter, education... and yet I still had the nerve to complain...

How could I not have seen the tears which flowed from my Saviour's face when I was enjoying the comfort of red plush seats, dozing off periodically at Sunday sermons... when at the same time, my other half was being dragged away to some ritual by her mum, not knowing what she was doing, scared half to death by the chants of taoist priests... How could I not have felt his heart ache when I was hanging out with friends mulling over what the best hair product would be... when at the same time my gal was getting stressed about how much she could do for her family in order for them not to be so burdened financially with the cost of 3 of her siblings and her own education. How could I not have heard Jesus cry out to me, begging me to open my mouth and speak about his abundant life, when I was venting about my family not giving me enough space, when she and her family had to put up with a multitude of insults and unloving actions from relatives.

How could I have blocked God out of my life, desensitizing myself to every thing he asked me to do for him... How could I have been so blind to the fact that there were sincere individuals who were searching for eternal answers in this temporal world, desperately seeking out for truth but finding a people who were too ignorant and apathetic to care.

The Bible is clear about one thing, no Jesus, and you're headed for eternal damnation, there is no grey area about it. Could I really live with the fact that I would be enjoying the comforts of everlasting life while the people I would 'care' about in the future would be headed for hell?

Psalm 51:10 - "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."